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You have been working with your company for two years and are interested in a promotion. Write a letter to your direct boss. In your letter: Explain your varied achievements over the past two years Express your interest in growing with the company Ask for a meeting to discuss a potential promotion

You have been working with your company for two years and are interested in a promotion. Write a letter to your direct boss. In your letter: Explain your varied achievements over the past two years Express your interest in growing with the company Ask for a meeting to discuss a potential promotion doqaK
Dear Mr. Smith, I am employee of your company's sales department with ID holder number DXB2689. I am writing this letter to bring in your kind attention about my promotion. As a junior sale promoter I have successfully completed two year in this company. I have achieved all targets which are given by my seniors on monthly basis. Besides, company's products are highly demanded in the market due to my best strategy of promoting them. Because of my this performance the management selected me as a best employee of the month in previous year. I am very keen to work with hard efforts. As I made perfect contribution to increase company's annual profit, I am looking forward for my promotion at senior designation based on my abilities. Moreover, after appointing on senior position I could try to spread company's product in international market. I would like to request you to arrange a meeting with me at your convenient time to discuss about my performance. This could help you to decide that on which position you may promote me in your company. I would appreciate your immediate attention to this matter. Your sincerely, David Zane
Dear Mr. Smith,

I am employee of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company's
sales department with ID holder number DXB2689. I am writing this letter to bring in your kind attention about my promotion.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a junior sale promoter I have
successfully
completed two year in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. I have achieved all targets which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by my seniors on monthly basis.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company's
products are
highly
demanded in the market due to my best strategy of promoting them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of my this performance the management selected me as
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best employee of the month in previous year.

I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
keen to work with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
efforts. As I made perfect contribution to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company's
annual profit, I am looking forward for my promotion at senior designation based on my abilities.
Moreover
, after appointing on senior position I could try to spread
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company's
product in international market.

I would like to request you to arrange a meeting with me at your convenient time to
Did you mean simply "discuss my"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about my
performance. This could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to decide that on which position you may promote me in your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

I would appreciate your immediate attention to this matter.

Did you mean "Yours"? (complimentary close)
Your
sincerely
, David Zane
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IELTS letter You have been working with your company for two years and are interested in a promotion. Write a letter to your direct boss. In your letter: Explain your varied achievements over the past two years Express your interest in growing with the company Ask for a meeting to discuss a potential promotion

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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