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Some people prefer to be self employed,whereas others like working for companies or institutions.Which is a better approach ?

Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Which is a better approach? oR6RB
Dear Sir, I am writing to you this letter regarding my intention to start a new activity that I have been thinking about for a long time. It is very crucial for people to meet and share information, for this reason, I am going to start social meetings in the nearest future. I would like you to publish an article talking about our meeting concerning « How to keep in a good health ». We need to inform people from all over the world that we will be gathered in Rosewood, 15 street in our private local near the police office of Helbrook. Obviously, we are thinking about planning different activities, for instance, playing tennis, football and exercising, in addition to this, my friend who is a coach will make a speech and she will share some information about what kind of healthy food people should eat daily, such as vegetables and fruit, also how to avoid aliments that contains a high level of fat and sugar. I am looking forward for your prompt feedback. Yours faithfully. Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Which is a better approach? Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Which is a better approach?
Dear Sir,

I am writing to you this letter regarding my intention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new activity that I have been thinking about for a long time. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and share information,
for this reason
, I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
social meetings in the nearest future.

I would like you to publish an article talking about our meeting concerning
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
«
How to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health ». We need to inform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world that we will
be gathered
in Rosewood, 15 street in our private local near the police office of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Helbrook
.

Obviously
, we are thinking about planning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities,
for instance
, playing tennis, football and exercising,
in addition
to this, my friend who is a coach will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
speech and
she will share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information about what kind of healthy food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should eat daily, such as vegetables and fruit,
also
how to avoid aliments that contains a high level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and sugar.

I am looking forward for your prompt feedback.

Yours
faithfully
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self employed
, whereas others like working for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or institutions. Which is a better approach?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self employed
, whereas others like working for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or institutions. Which is a better approach?
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IELTS letter Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Which is a better approach?

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
217 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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