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You eat in your college cafeteria everyday lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements.

You eat in your college cafeteria everyday lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements. Kan1
Dear, Mrs. Emma, I decided to write you this letter to discuss about our college cafeteria. Many students are using this space not only to take their lunch, but also to study and work on their projects. Unfortunately, there is some issue I have noticed since I am there almost every other day. In my opinion the music in cafeteria is too loud and not appropriate to it's environment. In another side, there is something we can improve. We have beside our cafeteria a nice terrace with the park view which have been closed through all year. Since the summer season started I suggest to use this area. I believe many students will be happy to work and spent time there. Therefore, it can fit more people and make a study more beneficial. Hope you will find my suggestion as an a good idea to make our college better. Looking forward to hear from you soon. Yours faithfully, Lucy Nuzam.
Dear, Mrs. Emma,

I decided to write you this letter to
Did you mean simply "discuss our"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about our
college cafeteria.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
students are using this space not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to take their lunch,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to study and work on their projects.

Unfortunately, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issue I have noticed since I am there almost every other day. In my opinion the music in cafeteria is too loud and not appropriate
Did you mean "to its environment"?
to it's environment
.

In another side, there is something we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. We have beside our cafeteria a nice terrace with the park view which have
been closed
through all year.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
Consider using "summer".
the summer season
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
I suggest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this area. I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students will be happy to work and spent time there.
Therefore
, it can fit more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a study more beneficial.

Hope you will find my suggestion as
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "an" or "a" is left.
an a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our college better. Looking forward
In the grammatical structure 'look + forward + to + verb', the verb 'to' is used with the gerund: "to hearing".
to hear
from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Lucy
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nuzam
.

IELTS letter You eat in your college cafeteria everyday lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements.

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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