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You are not happy with the course you are doing at college and would like to change to a different course. v.2

You are not happy with the course you are doing at college and would like to change to a different course. v. 2
Dear Mr Mallik, I am writing this letter to seek your permission to change my major. I believe this will help me become more passionate about my studies and get ready to have a future career about which I have always felt very passionate about. I am hoping you would be kind enough to help me with this matter. I am Rathish Raveendran, a first-year bachelor of civil engineering major at your college. I have always wanted to be an architect but due to the unavailability of this course and peer pressure, I enrolled in civil engineering instead. Civil engineering is a great course but I feel more strongly about becoming an architect. Now that the architect department in our college has a few vacant seats, I would like to take the opportunity and pursue my dream. I have talked to the head of the architectural engineering department and he will grant my admission to his department if you have no objections regarding it. I will be eagerly waiting for your positive response. Yours faithfully, Rathish Raveendran
Dear Mr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mallik
,

I am writing this letter to seek your permission to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my major. I believe this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me become more passionate about my studies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready to have a future career about which I have always felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
passionate about.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am hoping you would be kind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me with this matter.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rathish
Possible spelling mistake found.
Raveendran
, a
first
-year bachelor of civil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
major at your college.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have always wanted to be an architect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to the unavailability of this course and peer pressure, I enrolled in civil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
instead
. Civil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
is a great course
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I feel more
strongly
about becoming an architect.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
that the architect department in our college has a few vacant seats, I would like to take the opportunity and pursue my dream.

I have talked to the head of the architectural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
department and
he will grant my admission to his department if you have no objections regarding it. I will be
eagerly
waiting for your
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
response.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Rathish
Possible spelling mistake found.
Raveendran
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS letter You are not happy with the course you are doing at college and would like to change to a different course. v. 2

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
176 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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