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You are not happy with the course you are doing at college and would like to change to a different course. v.1

You are not happy with the course you are doing at college and would like to change to a different course. v. 1
Dear Mr Cameron, I am a first-year student at your college and my major is arts. I am writing to seek your permission to change one of my courses. I am hoping that you would allow me to do so. My student identification number is 254102. During my admission back in January, I took the music course and it has been a month since then. So far I am not happy with my progress and I am confident that I would do better if I take the history curriculum, which I have always felt passionate about. I would not say that I feel negative about my music classes, but I believe I should go with the course I feel more attached to. When I got admitted to the college, no seat in the history department was available and the music was my second preference. Recently, I talked to the dean of the history department and he notified that with your permission, I would be able to intake the history subject. I would request you to permit me to intake history course and drop the music class. I would be always grateful to you for granting me to switch my course. Yours sincerely, Caterina Holmes
Dear Mr Cameron,

I am a
first
-year student at your college and my major is arts. I am writing to seek your permission to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
one of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am hoping that you would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

My student identification number is 254102. During my admission back in January, I took the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
and it has been a month since then.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
far I am not happy with my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
progress and
I am confident that I would do better if I take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
curriculum, which I have always felt passionate about. I would not say that I feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
classes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe I should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
I feel more attached to.

When I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
admitted to the college, no seat in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
department was available and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was my second preference. Recently, I talked to the dean of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
department and
he notified that with your permission, I would be able to intake the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
subject.

I would request you to permit me to intake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
and drop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. I would be always grateful to you for granting me to switch my course.

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Caterina
Holmes
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS letter You are not happy with the course you are doing at college and would like to change to a different course. v. 1

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
203 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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