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A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. v.2

A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I would like to profoundly thank your organisation for the decision to spend money for the benefit of our community. I deeply appreciate your readiness to sponsor a local junior sports team or alternatively arrange two open-air concerts. Needless to say, financial support to a children's sports team will be notably advantageous for both the team and your business. With your sponsorship, they will surely get advanced training which will develop their potential in sports and in parallel promote your brand. Perhaps, a few of them will bring glory in professional competitions in the future to make us proud as a community. On the other hand, arranging two open-air concerts is also a great idea as people will immensely enjoy the performance and some local bands would get the chance to show their talents. It certainly will promote our culture and heritage. I am positive either of your initiatives will serve our community greatly. However, supporting the local sports team has a more eminent result than escalating the music fans by sponsoring concerts, I believe. Concerts would be temporary entertainments for the local people, but provision for the young sportsmen will be remembered for a long and would give us many occasions to celebrate and be proud of. Once again thank you for a commendable initiative. Yours faithfully, Edward Jenkins
Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to
profoundly
thank your
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
for the decision to spend money for the benefit of our community. I
deeply
appreciate your readiness to sponsor a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
or
alternatively
arrange two open-air concerts.

Needless to say, financial support to a children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
will be
notably
advantageous for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
and your business. With your sponsorship, they will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
advanced training which will develop their potential in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and in parallel promote your brand. Perhaps, a few of them will bring glory in professional competitions in the future to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us proud as a community.

On the other hand
, arranging two open-air concerts is
also
a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
immensely
enjoy the performance and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
bands would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talents. It
certainly
will promote our culture and heritage.

I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
either of your initiatives will serve our community
greatly
.
However
, supporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
has a more eminent result than escalating the music fans by sponsoring concerts, I believe. Concerts would be temporary entertainments for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
provision for the young sportsmen will
be remembered
for a long and would give us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
occasions to celebrate and be proud of.

Once again thank you for a commendable initiative.

Yours
faithfully
,

Edward Jenkins
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS letter A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
223 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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