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You and your family are moving another country for work, and you are looking for a house to buy

You and your family are moving another country for work, and you are looking for a house to buy 6lem0
Dear Sir, I am writing this letter to buy a residence in New York, United States. I got promoted as a Manager and gotten a golden chance to work from onshore. I have to join office by 25th September. One of my college suggested you and I would like to have your assistance in this. I am Sarah Maccabe, have been working in IT firm since 2015 and I have expertise in my domain. We are five member family. My father is a retired army man and my mother is a home designer. My husband also works in a IT field as a business analyst lead with fifteen years of experience. We have one kid, named kiana, she is sharp as a knife. She is arguably intelligent and naughty too. I would like to have 3 BHK Apartment in high rise building. If it would be fully furnished, it facilitates me to settle quickly there. There should be a reserve parking space because I have been thinking to have a car. It would be fantastic if there would be a market, complex and playing Area. Although my daughter does not like to play outside my father amuses it. I want a place nearby my office place. Street 51, Block A, New York is the address of my work station. It would be fine if the distance lie between five to Ten mile from my office but not far than this. I do not want want to stick in traffic during office hours like it is happening in India. I am looking forward for your prompt response. sarah Maccabe
Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a residence in New York, United States. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
promoted as a Manager and gotten a golden chance to work from onshore.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
by 25th September. One of my college suggested you and I would like to have your assistance in this.

I am Sarah
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maccabe
, have been working in IT firm since 2015 and I have expertise in my domain. We are five member family. My father is a retired army
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and my mother is a home designer. My husband
also
works in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
IT field as a business analyst lead with fifteen years of experience. We have one kid, named
Possible spelling mistake found.
kiana
, she is sharp as a knife. She is
arguably
intelligent and naughty too.

I would like to have 3
Possible spelling mistake found.
BHK
Apartment in high rise building. If it
Consider removing 'would'. (Usually, 'would' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless to make a request or give a polite order.)
would be
fully
furnished, it facilitates me to settle
quickly
there. There should be a reserve parking space
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I have been thinking to have a car. It would be fantastic if there would be a market, complex and playing Area.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
my daughter does not like to play outside my father amuses it.

I want a place nearby my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
place. Street 51, Block A, New York is the address of my work station. It would be fine if the distance lie
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between five and Ten".
between five to Ten
mile from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
Use "farther", "further" to make a comparison with this adjective.
far
than this. I do not
Possible typo: you repeated a word
want want
to stick in traffic during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
hours like it is happening in India.

I am looking forward for your prompt response.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
sarah
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maccabe
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IELTS letter You and your family are moving another country for work, and you are looking for a house to buy

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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