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Writing an asking advice letter

Writing an asking advice letter dqpK2

Dear Sir, I would appreciate it if you could give me some advice about a school overseas to study English at your school. I learnt about your program from a magazine and would like to have more information before registration. First of all, as I am from Uzbekistan, I would like to know if you provide students with accomodation. In case if you do, i would like to stay with a host family. Because, I believe that it would have a conductive effect on my English and social skills. Besides, I would like to gain some local experience and build up my resume for future opportunities. In additional, I also want to know how do I pay for the tuition fee? Is there any financial support for overseas students? Please let me know, if the school can arrange my accommodation. If not, I would be glad to know possible options. Looking forward to your response. Faithfully, Laura Smith.

Dear Sir,

I would appreciate it if you could give me This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
 advice about a school overseas to study English at your school. I Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.learned
learnt
 about your program from a magazine and would like to have more information This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:previouslyprior to
before
 registration.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".First
First of all
, as I am from Uzbekistan, I would like to You use this word too often, consider replacing it withnoticerecognizeappreciateperceiveexperiencesee
know
 if you provide students with Possible spelling mistake found.accommodation
accomodation
. In case if you do, Did you mean "I"?I
i
 would like to stay with a host family. This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:due to the factin light of the fact thatowing to the fact that
Because
, I believe that it would have a conductive effect on my English and social This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :proficiencies
skills
. Besides
, I would like to gain This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
 local experience and build up my resume for future opportunities. In additional, I also
 want to You use this word too often, consider replacing it withnoticerecognizeappreciateperceiveexperiencesee
know
 how do I pay for the tuition fee? Is there any financial support for overseas students?

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :satisfy
Please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :authorize
let
 me You use this word too often, consider replacing it withnoticerecognizeappreciateperceiveexperiencesee
know
If " if" starts an indirect question, you do not need to put a comma before it. if
, if
 the school can arrange my accommodation. If not, I would be glad to You use this word too often, consider replacing it withnoticerecognizeappreciateperceiveexperiencesee
know
 possible options.

Looking forward to your response.

Faithfully
,

Laura Smith. 