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Write to a hotel and book a room

Write to a hotel and book a room yDWBr
Hi Sir or Mandam, I am writing this letter to book a room at your hotel and to get more information on the places of interest and different activities nearby. I will be arriving with my friends to celebrate my birthday on 4th of November, and leaving on the 7th of November afternoon. Therefore we will stay for 4 days in your hotel. We have six people. So I am looking to book three double rooms with the attached bathroom and great view to the seaside. Would you please tell me the service includes breakfast? Furthermore, I would also like to know if there are any historical sites nearby where we can explore more about the place’s history. I look forward to hearing from you and thank you in advance. Yours faithfully, Nguyet.
Hi Sir or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mandam
,

I am writing this letter to book a room at your hotel and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more information on the places of interest and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities nearby.

I will be arriving with my friends to celebrate my birthday on 4th of November, and leaving on the 7th of November afternoon.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
we will stay for 4 days in your hotel. We have six
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I am looking to book three double rooms with the attached bathroom and great view to the seaside. Would you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
me the service includes breakfast?

Furthermore
, I would
also
like to know if there are any historical sites nearby where we can explore more about the place’s history.

I look forward to hearing from you and thank you in advance.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Nguyet
.
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IELTS letter Write to a hotel and book a room

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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