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Write a little time with your employer and ask him to consider you for the new supervisor

Write a little time with your employer and ask him to consider you for the new supervisor YgnXm
Dear Mr Smith It has been one year that I joined the company and I think I handled my responsibilities very well. I also found my current position as an accountant very rewarding. so I feel that I am ready to take on a more challenging role. So then I think that I will make a suitable candidate for the position of office supervisor. As you saw my resume I have passed a course in team leadership and before it, I worked as a sales manager that which was great. After joining my new home that is your office, I found some issues in the accounting and with the systems too. And also I would like to inform you that our department is too crowded and of course there is a lot of unused space so when I get the job I will organize the department in a way that does not look crowded but organized. During the handling of this issue, To our employees be more efficient while dealing with the customers, I will update the systems gradually. After all, it makes me very proud if you consider me for the position of the department supervisor Yours sincerely.
Dear Mr Smith

It has been one year that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I handled my responsibilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. I
also
found my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
position as an accountant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rewarding.
Use a comma before 'so' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
so
I feel that I am ready to take on a more challenging role.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
then I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a suitable candidate for the position of office supervisor.

As you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
my resume I have passed a course in team leadership and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it, I worked as a sales manager that which was great. After joining my new home
that is
your office, I found
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues in the accounting and with the systems too. And
also
I would like to inform you that our department is too crowded and
of course
there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
unused space
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the job I will organize the department in a way that does not look crowded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
organized. During the handling of this issue, To our employees be more efficient while dealing with the customers, I will update the systems
gradually
.

After all
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
proud if you consider me for the position of the department supervisor

Yours
sincerely
.
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IELTS letter Write a little time with your employer and ask him to consider you for the new supervisor

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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