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Write a letter to start a new job at a new company

Write a letter to start a new job at a new company le5mD
Dear Sir or Madam I am very interested in your advertisement on your Instagram account and I would like to apply to be a member of your beauty salon "Alfa". I am twenty eight years old and I have learnt quite a few professional master's worksand I posted my certificates I received below. I am proactive and I have a delicate taste simultaneously. I work tirelessly on myself and never get tired of triying new make-ups. I enjoy several domestic chores such as cooking delicious meals and tidy up rooms. As well as i am very hard working and aociable and I can get on well with new people easily. If you would like me to attend an interview I would be able to come at any time convenient to you, as I do want to be a member of your beauty salon Alfa. Faithfully Simona Adisun
Dear Sir or Madam

I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interested in your advertisement on your Instagram account and I would like to apply to be a member of your beauty salon
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Alfa
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.

I am
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
twenty eight
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and I have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
quite a few professional master's
Possible spelling mistake found.
worksand
I posted my certificates I received below.

I am proactive and I have a delicate taste
simultaneously
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
work
tirelessly
on myself and never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired of
Possible spelling mistake found.
triying
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
-ups.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
enjoy several domestic chores such as cooking delicious meals and tidy up rooms.
As well
as
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
aociable
and I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on well with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
easily
.

If you
Consider removing 'would'. (Usually, 'would' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless to make a request or give a polite order.)
would like
me to attend an interview I would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
at any time convenient to you, as I do want to be a member of your beauty salon
Possible spelling mistake found.
Alfa
.

Faithfully
Simona
Possible spelling mistake found.
Adisun
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IELTS letter Write a letter to start a new job at a new company

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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