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Write a letter to school for the problems of activity classes

Write a letter to school for the problems of activity classes Llw9V
I did not get any reply for the trail mail. Also I just want to bring some concerns into your notice about Saturday activities. We do not get complete information for participating activities before the activity. As we receive the message at the time of activities. Thus it becomes very difficult for us to manage the material at the same time for related activities. Moreover we are not able to connect to the activity class at a given time because we do not get the passcode at proper time. Therefore students get fed up. I am not the only parent who is facing this depressing situation while many other parents have the same problem. So I would like to request you that if you are planning for any activity, it should be managed properly. Such students can learn something according to your planned activity. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
I did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any reply for the trail mail.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
concerns into your notice about Saturday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. We do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
complete information for participating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the activity.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we receive the message at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for us to manage the material at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for related activities.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
we are not able to connect to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the passcode at proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fed up.

I am not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
parent who is facing this depressing situation while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other parents have the same problem.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I would like to request you that if you are planning for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, it should
be managed
properly
. Such students can learn something according to your planned activity.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

IELTS letter Write a letter to school for the problems of activity classes

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
152 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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