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Write a letter to company for job vacancy which is posted in newspaper?

Write a letter to company for job vacancy which is posted in newspaper? lRmWb
Dear Manager I am writing this letter to apply for the vacancy of customer service officer in your company which I saw in yesterday newspaper. Myself urvashi Panchal and I am 27 year old. I am living in flat bush area which is near to your company. I completed my bachelor degree in mathematics from vnsgu, Surat also the master degree from the same university. Moreover, I have 4 years experience as sales assistant in nz post. Currently I am working as customer service officer in kiwi bank. I am very friendly and family oriented with customer also I know how to deal with people in difficult situation. In an addition, I also got award from my recent job for best sales representative. I have all necessary skills which match to your job vacancy criteria. I would be able for this job because I have ability to handle customer which is main part of your criteria. I would appreciate if I got chance to work with your company. I look forward to hiring from you soon. Yours sincerely, Urvashi Panchal
Dear Manager

I am writing this letter to apply for the vacancy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
service officer in your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
in yesterday newspaper.

Myself
Possible spelling mistake found.
urvashi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Panchal
and I am 27 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. I am living in flat bush area which is near to your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. I completed my bachelor degree in mathematics from
Possible spelling mistake found.
vnsgu
, Surat
also
the master degree from the same university.
Moreover
, I have 4 years experience as sales assistant in
Possible spelling mistake found.
nz
post.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
I am working as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
service officer in kiwi bank.

I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
friendly and family oriented with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
also
I know how to deal with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in difficult situation. In an addition, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
award from my recent job for best sales representative. I have all necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which match to your job vacancy criteria. I would be able for this job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I have ability to handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
which is main part of your criteria.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
would appreciate if I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
chance to work with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
look forward to hiring from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Urvashi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Panchal
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IELTS letter Write a letter to company for job vacancy which is posted in newspaper?

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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