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Write a letter for a cafeteria facility as employees have requested the same to the manager

Write a letter for a cafeteria facility as employees have requested the same to the manager W8aEb
Dear Mr. Charul, I am writing to request cafeteria facility for our staff. Unfortunately, many staff has given their grievances due to non availability of cafeteria facility. Majority of employees are unhappy as they are in the notion it is wasting quality time and productivity when leaving premises to eat. Many have given concern about the untimely eating habits and some are intentionally also taking over leisure time during lunch breaks it has been observed by the team leaders. I personally recommend that cafeteria is set up by year end so as to reduce long hour lunch breaks and unduly sick leaves for the every reason. Furthermore, access to nutritional and balanced diet within the workplace could decrease health related sick leaves as the numbers of leaves have increased for the same. To ensure that all are equally rewarded for their persistence and loyalty this could play a major factor too. In addition, I would be happy to coordinate with food department and get the FDA licensing to open a cafeteria as soon as possible. On behalf of all staff, I would be grateful if you would sanction our request. Thank you for all the support given to us over the years. I am looking forward to hearing from you, Sir. Yours sincerely, Swetha Pai
Dear Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Charul
,

I am writing to request
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cafeteria
facility for our staff. Unfortunately,
Possible agreement error. The noun staff seems to be countable; consider using: "many staffs", "many staves".
many staff
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
their grievances due to
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
non availability
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cafeteria
facility. Majority of employees are unhappy as they are in the notion it is wasting quality time and productivity when leaving premises to eat.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
concern about the
untimely
eating habits and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are
intentionally
also
taking over leisure time during lunch breaks it has
been observed
by the team leaders.

I
personally
recommend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cafeteria
is set
up by year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
long hour lunch breaks and
unduly
sick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
for the every reason.
Furthermore
, access to nutritional and balanced diet within the workplace could decrease health related sick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
as the numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
have increased for the same. To ensure that all are
equally
rewarded for their persistence and loyalty this could play a major factor too.

In addition
, I would be happy to coordinate with food department and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the FDA licensing to open a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cafeteria
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. On behalf of all staff, I would be grateful if you would sanction our request. Thank you for all the support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to us over the years. I am looking forward to hearing from you, Sir.

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Swetha
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pai
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IELTS letter Write a letter for a cafeteria facility as employees have requested the same to the manager

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
214 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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