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would publish my viewpoints in your college magazine

would publish my viewpoints in your college magazine y1lP
Dear Sir, I am the student of second year in mining engineering and despite existing other restaurants I normally eat lunch at the college cafeteria because it is spacious, convenient, well-designed and it has a friendly vibrant atmosphere. I really appreciate your café management for its international cuisine as well as delicious foods. However, the main problem with the cafeteria is in the food served! First of all, there is a very limited selection available. Each day offers up only hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken nuggets and French Fries. Not only is this selection unhealthy, but it also would be uninteresting day in day out in terms of dessert. We have so many international students on campus; it would be wonderful to have some curries, burritos and falafel added to the menu. Secondly, since this is a student cafeteria, prices need to stay low. Surprisingly, we have witnessed two price hikes in the last two years. I am quite certain if we will be offering a wider range of foods, at affordable prices, the cafeteria will continue to run profitably as more students choose to eat there. Your prompt action in this regard will be highly appreciated. Yours faithfully,
Dear Sir,

I am the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
of second year in mining engineering and despite existing other restaurants I
normally
eat lunch at the college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cafeteria
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is spacious, convenient, well-designed and it has a friendly vibrant atmosphere. I
really
appreciate your café management for its international cuisine
as well
as delicious foods.

However
, the main problem with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cafeteria
is in the food served!
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there is a
Make sure that the adjective 'very' is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies 'limited'. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
very limited
selection available. Each day offers up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken nuggets and French Fries. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is this selection unhealthy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
would be uninteresting day in day out in terms of dessert. We have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
on campus; it would be wonderful to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
curries, burritos and falafel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the menu.
Secondly
, since this is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cafeteria
, prices need to stay low.
Surprisingly
, we have witnessed two price hikes in the last two years.

I am quite certain if we will be offering a wider range of foods, at affordable prices, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cafeteria
will continue to run
profitably
as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choose to eat there.

Your prompt action in this regard will be
highly
appreciated.

Yours
faithfully
,
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IELTS letter would publish my viewpoints in your college magazine

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
198 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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