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wan to discontinue your club membership, what type of membership, why you want to cancel, how you benefited from the club

wan to discontinue your club membership, what type of membership, why you want to cancel, how you benefited from the club ld0k9
Dear Mr. Allan, I am Amr Masoud, a member of Lava club, I am to request membership cancellation by end of this month September 2021. I have been a silver member since I joined the club three years ago, and I used to pay my annual membership fees in 4 installments every 3 months, this membership type gave an access to most of the club facilities, but unfortunatly I had no access to the olympic pool which I loved to try. Over the period I have been a member, I enjoyed the most playing football and swimming, I joined the club's first team in the city cup competition and achieved the third place last year. Although I considered the club as my second home, but I have to cancel my membership as I am moving from the city to Newyork. My company has shut down there office here and shifted all the stuff to the headquarter. I look forward to hearing from you soon, and please let me know if any paperwork needs to be filled. Yours sincerely, Amr Masoud
Dear Mr. Allan,

I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Masoud
, a member of Lava
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
, I am to request
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
cancellation by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of this month September 2021.

I have been a silver member since I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
three years ago, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to pay my annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
fees in 4 installments every 3 months, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
type gave
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
facilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
unfortunatly
I had no access to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympic
pool which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
to try.

Over the period I have been a member, I enjoyed the most playing football and swimming, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the club's
first
team in the city cup competition and achieved the third place last year.

Although I considered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
as my second home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cancel my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
as I am moving from the city to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newyork
. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
has shut down there office here and shifted all the stuff to the
The word 'headquarter' is a verb. The noun to describe a corporate head office ends with an 's'.
headquarter
.

I look forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me know if any paperwork needs to
be filled
.

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Amr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Masoud
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IELTS letter wan to discontinue your club membership, what type of membership, why you want to cancel, how you benefited from the club

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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