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To convince the outsiders to join your civilization to help fight against the invaders.

To convince the outsiders to join your civilization to help fight against the invaders. K3AO3
Dear Outsiders, I am a member of the Aztec civilization. My civilization lives in Central Mexico on Lake Texcoco. Invaders are attempting to steal our land, and we are unable to stop them by ourselves. You must help us because we have huge amounts of food. We have the biggest city in Mesoamerica which is Tenochtitlan, where you can stay while helping us. First, Tenochtitlan is Mesoamerica's largest city, covering 13. 5km2, and we have several traps in place to keep intruders from attacking. We constructed several roads and bridges. We might be able to help you out with some land. For instance, Tenochtitlan was constructed on an island in Lake Texcoco, with a canal system and causeways serving the hundreds of thousands of people that resided there. You can simply walk throughout our city and protect yourself if someone attacks. Furthermore, we have many helpful and interesting achievements, such as a zoo, aquariums, a great castle, and a botanical park, as well as canals and moving bridges that allow people to go around easily. Moreover, the soil in our region can be acceptable as fertile soil because it aids residents in growing crops and even supports cattle to develop, reproduce. In fact, during war, water and food are essentials for warriors to continue battle but if you support us then you will never need to be concerned about those two factors. Also, we have fertile soils therefore it helps us to grow crops, growing fruit for cattle to develop Aztecs. In addition, we invented chinampa, which translates as "floating garden. " It cultivates crops such as maize, squash, tomatoes, avocados, and beans. With our floating gardens, we can also raise animals for food such as chickens and turkeys. We will instruct and support you with food cultivation and growing. We will share our food with you so that you do not run out. The Incas claim to have only vegetables and fruit available to the Incas. That is why the majority of them are vegetarians. On the other hand, we have it all, including fruit, meat, and vegetables. As I explained above, it would benefit you as much as it would benefit us if you came to help us fight for our land. You could use our land, our resources, and our warriors. I really hope you accept/consider our offer. Please come immediately! I’m looking forward to hearing from you,
Dear Outsiders, I am a member of the Aztec civilization. My civilization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in Central Mexico on Lake Texcoco. Invaders are attempting to steal our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
, and we are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them by ourselves. You
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we have huge amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. We have the biggest city in Mesoamerica which is Tenochtitlan, where you can stay while helping us.
First
, Tenochtitlan is Mesoamerica's largest city, covering 13. 5km2, and we have several traps in place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
intruders from attacking. We constructed several roads and bridges. We might be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you out with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
.
For instance
, Tenochtitlan
was constructed
on an island in Lake Texcoco, with a canal system and causeways serving the hundreds of thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that resided there. You can
simply
walk throughout our city and protect yourself if someone attacks.
Furthermore
, we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
helpful and interesting achievements, such as a zoo, aquariums, a great castle, and a botanical park,
as well
as canals and moving bridges that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to go around
easily
.
Moreover
, the soil in our region can be acceptable as fertile soil
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it aids residents in growing crops and even supports cattle to develop, reproduce. In fact, during war, water and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are essentials for warriors to continue battle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if you support us then you will never need to
be concerned
about those two factors.
Also
, we have fertile soils
therefore
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us to grow crops, growing fruit for cattle to develop Aztecs.
In addition
, we invented chinampa, which translates as
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
floating garden.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
It cultivates crops such as maize, squash, tomatoes, avocados, and beans. With our floating gardens, we can
also
raise animals for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as chickens and turkeys. We will instruct and support you with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
cultivation and growing. We will share our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that you do not run out. The Incas claim to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
vegetables and fruit available to the Incas.
That is
why the majority of them are vegetarians.
On the other hand
, we have it all, including fruit, meat, and vegetables. As I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
above, it would benefit you as much as it would benefit us if you came to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us fight for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
. You could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
, our resources, and our warriors. I
really
hope you accept/consider our offer.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
immediately! I’m looking forward to hearing from you,
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IELTS letter To convince the outsiders to join your civilization to help fight against the invaders.

Letter
  American English
1 paragraphs
401 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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