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THE LETTER OF MOTIVATION

THE LETTER OF MOTIVATION Aan6x
My love for Neurosciences combined with my passion for teaching others (where I have been tutoring Life Science for High School students since my 1st year of University) resulted on the birth of my greatest goals: Becoming a Lecturer-Researcher of Neurosciences here in the university of Science and Technology U. S. T. H. B Algeria. So, in order to pursue this passion, I decided to enroll for Biological Sciences for my Bachelor's Degree under the specialty of Animal Biology and Physiology. I'm very proud of this degree since it gave me the proper foundations of all the difference disciplines of Biology, ranging from Botany and Ecology to Zoology, Endocrinology and Molecular Genetics. But to my surprise, when I went to apply for Master's Degree I didn't find the dearest Course to my heart "Neurosciences". So, I had to go with the closest specialty to it, which was "Neurobiology". Neurobiology dived deeper into the brain's Anatomy, Histology and its Functioning. This brings me to the reason why I am very happy and excited to especially apply for "Stipendium Hungaricum program". It was when I found the diverse Neuroscience Programs offered for this year by one of the most respected Universities worldwide, Semmelweis University's Doctoral School of Neuroscience, especially one of the PhD. Thesis topics titled: "Changes in Neuronal Connectivity and Synapses during Neurodegenerative Diseases" under the supervision of Dr. Gábor Nyíri. Such topics will allow me to deepen the understanding of theoretical concepts I learned through my Master's Degree, and close the gap between Theory and Application thanks to performing the experiences first hand, using the latest scientific technologies and under the supervision of highly skilled and experienced professors, all of that while being surround by a community of enthusiastic and ambitious students, just like me. In the other hand, I will have the advantage of having the prior knowledge of a lot of concepts, thanks to what we have learned in Neurobiology like the detailed rapport I did about "The Role of Amyloid Beta Peptide in the Patho-physiology of Alzheimer's Disease" which perfectly correlates with the future researches I will have to do as a PhD student in Neurosciences. Of course I don't expect this journey to be a pink Cherry Blossoms road, especially during the first periods of studying in Hungary, where for sure I'll face difficulties due to language barriers either while communicating with my colleagues or in my day to day life. However, from a young age I showed the ability to quickly learn new languages where I currently speak fluently 4 languages: Arabic, English, French and Korean. And starting from January I've been learning Hungarian to eliminate future obstacles and I'm willing to pour all the effort and time it deserves. Finally, and after finishing my PhD successfully, my next big goal would be: "Going back to my country and take the first steps to open a Neurosciences research laboratory here in the University of U. S. T. H. B. " and maybe it will result in even bigger collaborations between Hungary and Algeria's scientific research labs, finding answers to other mysteries of our Nervous System. At the same time I'll be teaching future Biologists and Neuroscientist more refined courses that are up to date with the current scientific discoveries thanks to what I would have learned through my experience as a PhD student in Hungary. Thank you for your consideration, Sincerely, XXXX xxxx
My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for Neurosciences combined with my passion for teaching others (where I have been tutoring Life Science for High School
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
since my 1st year of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University)
resulted on the birth of my greatest goals: Becoming a Lecturer-Researcher of Neurosciences here in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
of Science and Technology U. S. T. H. B Algeria.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in order to pursue this passion, I decided to enroll for Biological Sciences for my Bachelor's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Degree
under the specialty of Animal Biology and Physiology. I'm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
proud of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
since it gave me the proper foundations of all the difference disciplines of Biology, ranging from Botany and Ecology to Zoology, Endocrinology and Molecular Genetics.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
to my surprise, when I went to apply for Master's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Degree
I didn't find the dearest Course to my heart
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Neurosciences
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
the closest specialty to it, which was
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Neurobiology
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Neurobiology
dived deeper into the brain's Anatomy, Histology and
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
Functioning.

This brings me to the reason why I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy and excited to
especially
apply for
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Stipendium
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hungaricum
program
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. It was when I found the diverse Neuroscience Programs offered for this year by one of the most respected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
worldwide,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Semmelweis
University's Doctoral School of Neuroscience,
especially
one of the PhD. Thesis topics titled:
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Changes
in Neuronal Connectivity and Synapses during Neurodegenerative Diseases
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
under the supervision of Dr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gábor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nyíri
. Such topics will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to deepen the understanding of theoretical concepts I learned through my Master's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Degree
, and close the gap between Theory and Application thanks to performing the experiences
first
hand, using the latest scientific technologies and under the supervision of
highly
skilled and experienced professors, all of that while being
Consider using a past participle here: "surrounded".
surround
by a community of enthusiastic and ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like me. In the other hand, I will have the advantage of having the prior knowledge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
concepts, thanks to what we have learned in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Neurobiology
like the detailed rapport I did about
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
The Role of Amyloid Beta Peptide in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Patho-physiology
of Alzheimer's Disease
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
which
perfectly
correlates with the future researches I will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do as a PhD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in Neurosciences.

Of
The comma is probably missing here: "course, I".
course I
don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
this journey to be a pink Cherry Blossoms road,
especially
during the
first
periods of studying in Hungary, where for sure I'll face difficulties due to language barriers either while communicating with my colleagues or in my
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life.
However
, from a young age I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the ability to
quickly
learn new languages where I
currently
speak
fluently
4 languages: Arabic, English, French and Korean. And starting from January I've been learning Hungarian to eliminate future obstacles and I'm willing to pour all the effort and time it deserves.

Finally
, and after finishing my PhD
successfully
, my
next
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
goal would be:
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Going back to my country and take the
first
steps to open a Neurosciences research laboratory here in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of U. S. T. H. B.
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
and maybe it will result in even bigger collaborations between Hungary and Algeria's scientific research labs, finding answers to other mysteries of our Nervous System. At the same time I'll be teaching future Biologists and Neuroscientist more refined courses that are up to date with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scientific discoveries thanks to what I would have learned through my experience as a PhD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in Hungary.

Thank you for your consideration,

Sincerely
,

Possible typo: you repeated a word
XXXX xxxx
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IELTS letter THE LETTER OF MOTIVATION

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
567 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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