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Sports and their benefits

Sports and their benefits xPP6w
We all know that Sports bring us lots of benefits. My favorite sport is swimming. I learned swimming when I was in secondary school. My parents sent me to a sports center which is near my school every weekend because they believe that swimming will be useful for me someday. I am keen on swimming. It helps me to keep fit and increase my height because it requires my whole body workout. Moreover, I feel fresh and free when I am floating in the water. What is more important, swimming is a good choice for people in hot weather like summertime. Personally, swimming is not too hard to practice. You don’t need any expensive equipment to learn how to swim. You just need your swimsuit and special cap to protect your hair and goggles to protect your eyes. And there is no rule for you to follow when you swim. All you need is to move through the water by moving your arms and legs correctly. Doing sports brings you several benefits. Firstly, sports are helpful for your health. It keeps you in good shape and thinks positively. You can stay far away from common sickness if you do exercise regularly. Secondly, it is a good way to make friends since you practice with others, take part in competitions or watch the games together. In conclusion, sports are certainly healthy. If you have not ever done sports before, do it as you can. Maybe it will be useful for you someday.
We all know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
bring us lots of benefits. My favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is swimming.

I learned
If 'learned' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to swim".
swimming
when I was in secondary school. My parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
me to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
center which is near my school every weekend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that swimming will be useful for me someday.

I am keen on swimming. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit and increase my height
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it requires my whole body workout.
Moreover
, I feel fresh and free when I am floating in the water.
What is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, swimming is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in hot weather like
Consider using "summer".
summertime
.

Personally
, swimming is not too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to practice. You don’t need any expensive equipment to learn how to swim. You
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need your swimsuit and special cap to protect your hair and goggles to protect your eyes. And there is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
for you to follow when you swim. All you need is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
through the water by moving your arms and legs
correctly
.

Doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
brings you several benefits.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are helpful for your health. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
you in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
positively
. You can stay far away from common sickness if you do exercise
regularly
.
Secondly
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends since you practice with others,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in competitions or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the games together.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
certainly
healthy. If you have not ever done
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, do it as you can. Maybe it will be useful for you someday.

IELTS letter Sports and their benefits

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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