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Despite a large number of gyms a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? and What solution can you suggest

Despite a large number of gyms a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? and What solution can you suggest xmDD1
Dear Mr Bakshi, I am Milind Naik and writing this letter to request you to return a refundable deposit which I had deposited to your bank account at the time of renting your apartment a year ago. As we have left your rented apartment which is located at B-18, Ravikunj Flats, Maninagar last month. We have kept your house in very good condition and well managed. Although, I had not received the deposited amount yet, which was deposited at the time of apartment booking. I am writing this letter to inform you to return our deposit as soon as possible. However, if you are not going to refund the amount then I need to take necessary action against you and file a legal complaint against you in police for not returning the deposited amount since one month which was agreed by both of us to be refunded within 15 days as soon as we left the apartment. Hopefully, that you will look into this matter and revert back the deposit amount as soon as possible. Yours Sincerely, Milind Naik
Dear Mr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bakshi
,

I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Milind
Possible spelling mistake found.
Naik
and writing this letter to request you to return a refundable deposit which I had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deposited
to your bank account at the time of renting your apartment a year ago.

As we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
your rented apartment which
is located
at B-18,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ravikunj
Flats,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maninagar
last month. We have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition and well managed. Although, I had not received the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deposited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
yet
, which was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deposited
at the time of apartment booking. I am writing this letter to inform you to return our deposit as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.

However
, if you are not going to refund the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
then I need to take necessary action against you and file a legal complaint against you in police for not returning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deposited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
since one month which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
by both of us to
be refunded
within 15 days as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the apartment.

Hopefully
, that you will look into this matter and
Consider using "revert".
revert back
the deposit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.

Yours
Sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Milind
Possible spelling mistake found.
Naik

IELTS letter Despite a large number of gyms a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? and What solution can you suggest

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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