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request letter to the manager to transfer the membership

request letter to the manager to transfer the membership EwVBB
Dear sir, I am Jithin V (Membership number: CVTRVIP5LB270814) one of the Members of Country Club. I am writing this letter to you to transfer my club membership to another person. As per the telephonic conversation with Trivandrum manger Mr………………………………………. . on 20/08/2021, we decide to transfer our membership to another person. Actually, from the beginning onwards your services are too bad and we report this to the head office of country club in Hyderabad. But we don’t get any reply from anyone. Moreover, the club is failing to keep the promises from the first. As a result, we are ready to transfer our membership to someone else. So please do the necessary action and refund my full payment (RS 35000) as soon as possible.
Dear sir,

I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jithin
V
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(Membership
number: CVTRVIP5LB270814) one of the Members of Country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Club
. I am writing this letter to you to transfer my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
to another person.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
per the telephonic conversation with Trivandrum manger Mr……………………………………….
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
20/08/2021, we decide to transfer our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
to another person.

Actually, from the beginning onwards your services are too
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bad and
we report this to the head office of country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
in Hyderabad.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any reply from anyone.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
is failing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the promises from the
first
.
As a result
, we are ready to transfer our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
to someone else.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
do the necessary action and refund my full payment (RS 35000) as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.

IELTS letter request letter to the manager to transfer the membership

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
125 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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