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Postpone my stay due to rain

Postpone my stay due to rain kYa9O
Dear Mr. Jackson, I am writing this letter to inform you that I will have to postpone my stay in the rented apartment contracted for next month. Although I was too excited about the stay, I will have to postpone my plan due to some personal reasons. Let me explain my problem. Yesterday night my brother was coming back from his work when he met with a terrific accident. I had to immediately admit him to the hospital that is near my place. The doctor said he will have to undergo surgery and will take time to recover. I know that its the time to shift to the newly rented apartment of yours but with the current situation, I will have to stay with my brother. I will have to take care of him and his doings until he gets back on his feet. I would like to request you to change the contract date from next month to two months from now. I will be readily available to shift to the new home by June. I would be grateful for your consideration. Please write me back about the contract details. Looking forward to hearing from you. Yours Sincerely, Ishita
Dear Mr. Jackson,

I am writing this letter to inform you that I will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
postpone my stay in the rented apartment contracted for
next
month. Although I was too excited about the stay, I will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
postpone my plan due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
personal reasons.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my problem.
This is a non-standard collocation. Normally, "last night" is used.
Yesterday night
my brother was coming back from his work when he met with a terrific accident. I had to immediately admit him to the hospital
that is
near my place. The doctor said he will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
undergo surgery and will take time to recover. I know that
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
the time to shift to the
newly
rented apartment of yours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation, I will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stay with my brother. I will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care of him and his doings until he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
back on his feet.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
would like to request you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the contract date from
next
month to two months from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
will be
readily
available to shift to the new home by June.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
would be grateful for your consideration.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
write me back about the contract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours
Sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Ishita

IELTS letter Postpone my stay due to rain

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
199 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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