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Many people work for long hours and less time for leisure activities Does this situation advantageou and disdavantageous

Many people work for long hours and less time for leisure activities Does this situation advantageou and disdavantageous KYWe3
It is argued that every working professional need to balance between work and life. However some individual like to work long hours which consequence led by disturbed their personal life. I would like dwelve advantages and disadvantages of this in the following paragraphs. On one hand, I would like to give reasons for advantages why one spend more time in work. Certainly, In the beginning of the career, Person should give more time to learning the stuff and make progressive record in his workplace. Due to that it create affirmative impression on his seniors and they would get rewarding for that by incentive and increment. Not only the initiator but also in this cut-throat competition every employee by hook and cook need to protect his job he need to work for late times. Sometime company give overtime wages to work for long hours which make them more work. For instance In demonetisation, Bank of Baroda gave incentive and bonus to all his employee for a heavy work load and all employee need to stay in office for long time and working for a number of hours. On the flip side, family need to suffer from his absence especially the children of family which are quite innocent and unknown of this practical life. Moreover one himself got not only physical loose but also mentally stressed. Even he/she become more introvert and feel as isolated from society. For example it has been surveyed in Times-work magazine 40% family break due to work load in offices. All in all, one need to keep their personal and professional life balanced and separate for living perfect and healthy life.
It
is argued
that every working professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "individuals"?
individual
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
long hours which consequence led by disturbed their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I would like
Possible spelling mistake found.
dwelve
advantages and disadvantages of this in the following paragraphs.

On one hand, I would like to give reasons for advantages why one spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Certainly
, In the beginning of the career, Person should give more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to learning the stuff and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progressive record in his workplace. Due to that it create affirmative impression on his
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
seniors and
they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rewarding for that by incentive and increment. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the initiator
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
-throat competition every employee by hook and cook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to protect his job he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. Sometime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
give overtime wages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for long hours which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For instance
In
Possible spelling mistake. 'demonetisation' is British English.
demonetisation
, Bank of Baroda gave incentive and bonus to all his employee for a heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
load and all employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to stay in office for long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and working for a number of hours.

On the flip side, family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to suffer from his absence
especially
the children of family which are quite innocent and unknown of this practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
one himself
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physical loose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mentally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
. Even he/she become more introvert and feel as isolated from society. For
The comma is probably missing here: "example, it".
example it
has
been surveyed
in Times-work magazine 40% family break due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
load in offices.

All in all, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their personal and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balanced and separate for living perfect and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS letter Many people work for long hours and less time for leisure activities Does this situation advantageou and disdavantageous

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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