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looking for a part time job in a football club. write a letter to the manager

looking for a part time job in a football club. write a letter to the manager 2PmBM
Dear Sir, I am writing to show my interest to serve as a part-time nurse in your Football Club. I am Akande Hajarat, 26 years of age, living in Osun State, Nigeria. I graduated from Obafemi Awolowo University School of Nursing as a registered nurse in 2019. Currently, I am an undergraduate Nursing student of University of Ibadan undergoing a part-time training to obtain a Bachelor in Nursing degree. I worked in Alhayyu Hospital for 2 years where I served as a mental health nurse incharge for giving quality of care to my patients and also providing them with medications. Also, I have a good communication skills, built an effective relationship with my patients in need of mental health services. Would you kindly consider my request as I believe I am a qualified candidate for this post. I wish to resume as soon as possible. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Thanks for your consideration. Yours faithfully, Hajarat.
Dear Sir,

I am writing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
my interest to serve as a part-time nurse in your Football Club. I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Akande
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hajarat
, 26 years of age, living in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Osun
State, Nigeria.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
graduated from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Obafemi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Awolowo
University School of Nursing as a registered nurse in 2019.
Currently
, I am an undergraduate Nursing student of University of Ibadan undergoing a part-time training to obtain a Bachelor in Nursing degree.

I worked in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Alhayyu
Hospital for 2
It is better to use 'years' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "years when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
years where
I served as a mental health nurse
Possible spelling mistake found.
incharge
for giving quality of care to my patients and
also
providing them with medications.
Also
, I have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, built an effective relationship with my patients in need of mental health services.

Would you kindly consider my request as I believe I am a qualified candidate for this post. I wish to resume as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. I look forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Thanks for your consideration.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Hajarat
.
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IELTS letter looking for a part time job in a football club. write a letter to the manager

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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