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Letter to the hospital, response

Letter to the hospital, response XEAAE
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing in response to your advertisement. Now that number of COVID-19 patients is increased I am willing to volunteer at the hospital. During the pandemic I took care of my family members, so I feel like I am capable and experienced to help. I am an engineer by profession, since I do not have a medical degree, I express my interest to help you in patient admission procedures. I have 14 years experience with databases, thus this could be helpful to improve data entry and decrease admission time. Also, I can be useful in compilation of daily, weekly and monthly reports. Currently, I am engaged in the company where I work from Monday to Friday in the regular interval 08: 00 to 16: 00. Considering the distance to the hospital, I think from 17: 00 I can be ready to start, until 21: 00 every working day. I look forward to your reply. Yours sincerely, Afrim Syla
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in response to your advertisement.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
that number of COVID-19 patients
is increased
I am willing to volunteer at the hospital. During the pandemic I took care of my family members,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I feel like I am capable and experienced to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

I am an engineer by profession, since I do not have a medical degree, I express my interest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you in patient admission procedures. I have 14 years experience with databases,
thus
this could be helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
data entry and decrease admission time.
Also
, I can be useful in compilation of daily, weekly and monthly reports.

Currently
, I
am engaged
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
where I work from Monday to Friday in the regular interval 08: 00 to 16: 00. Considering the distance to the hospital, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
from 17: 00 I can be ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, until 21: 00 every working day.

I look forward to your reply.

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Afrim
Possible spelling mistake found.
Syla
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IELTS letter Letter to the hospital, response

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
162 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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