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Letter to Property Agent to Enquire about Properties

Letter to Property Agent to Enquire about Properties 3MO0N
Dear Mr. Smith, I am writing to enquire about properties in Beaverton and Hillsboro Oregon area. As I am planning to buy a house in 2-3 months. I work as Data Scientist for an E-commerce company in Canada and I got this excellent opportunity to work in Oregon, United States. So I decided to make move from here. I along with my wife and two kids are moving to Oregon in the month of October. We will be renting first few months till we finalize our home. So before moving there I thought of consulting about homes with you as I have been told you are the best property dealer in that area. We are looking for a modern home with 4-5 bedrooms and a spacious living room. My wife insisted on a kitchen with contemporary design House must have a backyard as me and my kids love to play outdoor. Our budget is around $700k to $800K and some of the amounts will be taken as a loan. As I have been lately reading much news about the growing crime rate in Portland metro area, a safe neighborhood is our utmost priority. So we prefer properties in Beaverton or Hillsboro, simply because these places are far from the downtown area. It will be great if you provide some home options matching our criteria. Looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Dipesh Sonawale
Dear Mr. Smith,

I am writing to
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquire' is British English.
enquire
about properties in Beaverton and Hillsboro Oregon area.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
I am planning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in 2-3 months.

I work as Data Scientist for an E-commerce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in Canada and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
this excellent opportunity to work in Oregon, United States.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from here.

I along with my wife and two kids are moving to Oregon in the month of October. We will be renting
first
few months till we finalize our home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
moving there I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of consulting about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
with you as I have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
you are the best property dealer in that area.

We are looking for a modern home with 4-5 bedrooms and a spacious living room. My wife insisted on a kitchen with contemporary design

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
House
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a backyard as me and my kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to play outdoor. Our budget is around $700k to $800K and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
amounts will
be taken
as a loan.

As I have been lately reading much news about the growing crime rate in Portland metro area, a safe neighborhood is our utmost priority.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we prefer properties in Beaverton or Hillsboro,
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these places are far from the downtown area.

It will be great if you provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
home options matching our criteria. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Dipesh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sonawale
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IELTS letter Letter to Property Agent to Enquire about Properties

Letter
  American English
10 paragraphs
229 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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