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letter to an organizer of a city walk

letter to an organizer of a city walk gAbL7
Dear Sir or Madam, I came across an advertisement in one of the Australian magazine, where you have mentioned that you are looking for someone to look after six year old child for six months. I am eagerly interested in this job and would like to put forward my candidature for the same. I am young and have handled kids before and hence, I know what it takes to handle a small kid, playing with them non-stop, taking care of their meals. Currently I am looking for a similar opportunity in Australia, to earn some money from it, which can help in my further studies. I have done a course in adolescent upbringing prior to it and post that I had taken care of a 4 year kid in my previous assignment for almost a year. I also know basic knowledge of handling things in an emergency situation. In my free time, I go to an orphanage to meet the kids there and play wit them which gives me immense pleasure, Also I spend some time visiting the local beaches and market places in my leisure time. Let me know in case you need further details about me, looking forward for a positive reply from you soon. Yours faithfully, Rahul Sharma
Dear Sir or Madam,

I came across an advertisement in one of the Australian magazine, where you have mentioned that you are looking for someone to look after six year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
child for six months. I am
eagerly
interested in this job and would like to put forward my candidature for the same.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am young and have handled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and
hence
, I know what it takes to handle a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
, playing with them non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
, taking care of their meals.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
I am looking for a similar opportunity in Australia, to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money from it, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in my
further
studies.

I have done a course in adolescent upbringing prior to it and post that I had taken care of a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "4-year"
4 year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
in my previous assignment for almost a year. I
also
know basic knowledge of handling things in an emergency situation.

In my free time, I go to an orphanage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
there and play wit them which gives me immense pleasure,
Also
I spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time visiting the local beaches and market places in my leisure time.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me know in case you need
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about me, looking forward for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
reply from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Rahul Sharma
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IELTS letter letter to an organizer of a city walk

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
210 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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