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letter to a friend requesting a part time job

letter to a friend requesting a part time job paxLw
Dear Thomas. I hope you are doing well since you have moved out to Australia. I have been thinking about all the pros you found living in a country like this. Then, I have decided to follow you paths and go to Australia as you did. But as you know My English is not as good as yours, and because of this my idea is to start an English course for the first 2 or 3 months and then once I am felling confident enough I will start to look for a design school to upgrade my career and get better opportunities. Then I was wondering if you could help to find a part time job, to help with all the costs for studying overseas as you said it is costly and I might need some external financial support. If you can give some informations about how get the jobs would be great but I was thinking that I am going to arrive in 2 weeks, and maybe you could bring some resumes in some restaurants or factores that they might need some help, I am willing to do any type of wok. See you soon, MARCos
Dear Thomas.

I hope you are doing well since you have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
out to Australia.

I have been thinking about all the pros you found living in a country like this. Then, I have decided to follow you paths and go to Australia as you did.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
as you know My English is not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as yours, and
because of this
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
an English course for the
first
2 or 3 months and then once I am felling confident
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to look for a design school to upgrade my career and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better opportunities.

Then I was wondering if you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to find a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with all the costs for studying overseas as you said it is costly and I might need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
external financial support.

If you can give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
about how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the jobs would be great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I was thinking that I am going to arrive in 2 weeks, and maybe you could bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
resumes in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restaurants or
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "factors", the plural form of the noun 'factor'?
factores
that they might need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, I am willing to do any type of wok.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
See
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
MARCos
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IELTS letter letter to a friend requesting a part time job

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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