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Letter to a friend for suggesting him to do job instead of college

Letter to a friend for suggesting him to do job instead of college pXKm2
Dear John, It's tremendous that you were able to complete your basic education. I am feeling honored that you are considering my advice to find out the direction for the future. As I understand, School gives us a good foundation, and joining a college may also provide some advancement. Also, you will love the feeling of going to college. But looking at the culture of the colleges present in our locality, you might not enjoy or even learn something new. Instead of this, you should try to get a job in the industries growing around, this will give you great exposure to the real world work ethics, and eventually, you will enhance all development aspects. Industries like marketing, courier services, and some are related to computers as well, my suggestion for you, to join any computer-related industry. Computer industries are the future, so working for them would be an ideal opportunity. Wishing you great luck. I know you are an extremely talented person who will surely do wonders. Your's Faithful, Akshay
Dear John,

It's tremendous that you were able to complete your basic education. I am feeling honored that you are considering my advice to find out the direction for the future.

As I understand, School gives us a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
foundation, and joining a college may
also
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advancement.
Also
, you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the feeling of going to college.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
looking at the culture of the colleges present in our locality, you might not enjoy or even learn something new.

Instead
of this, you should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job
The usual preposition for "get a job" is "with" for an organization. Revise: "with the industries".
in the industries
growing around, this will give you great exposure to the real world work ethics, and
eventually
, you will enhance all development aspects.

Industries like marketing, courier services, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are related
to computers
as well
, my suggestion for you, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
any computer-related industry. Computer industries are the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
working for them would be an ideal opportunity.

Wishing you great luck. I know you are an
extremely
talented person who will
surely
do wonders.

Did you mean "Your" or "Yours"?
Your's
Faithful,

Akshay
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IELTS letter Letter to a friend for suggesting him to do job instead of college

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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