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A letter received from friend who is asking for advice on getting a job or doing college

A letter received from friend who is asking for advice on getting a job or doing college BYwAa
Dear Haruka, Hello Haruka, I am writing a reply to your letter that asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. I think trying to get a job is better for you. I would like to write reasons why. At first, I will mention the disadvantage of going to college. I think you would not enjoy it, because in a college, especially a Japanese college, you could only meet people who are around the same age as you. You must have already met such people in your high school. In addition to it, many students tend to just have fun with friends besides study. The reason why this happens, it is usually very difficult to enter Japanese colleges but to graduate, it is not so difficult. For that reason many students tend to just have enjoyment, like having parties, going out, going travel. However college costs a huge of money, The fee of it is not cheap of course. I think it is a waste of money to go to college. Next, I would tell you why getting a job is good for you. The most valuable point is experience. Not like college, you can see many people from different age groups. By talking with them, you can get knowledge of life and it would be good for you. Not only from people, but you can also get important experience from working. You could know how different to earn the money and also you can know many social systems as well. lastly, I would like to suggest the types of job that would be suitable for you. I think you are good at talking with people, so the reception of the company, school or hotel would be good. You can meet not only a colleague but also many of the customers. If you would get a job in the hotel, you can use your English skill as well. In conclusion, You should try to get a job for these reasons. Good luck to you.
Dear
Possible spelling mistake found.
Haruka
,

Hello
Possible spelling mistake found.
Haruka
, I am writing a reply to your letter that asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is better for you. I would like to write
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why.

At
first
, I will mention the disadvantage of going to college. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
you would not enjoy it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in a college,
especially
a Japanese college, you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are around the same age as you. You
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have already met such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in your high school.
In addition
to it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students tend to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
have fun with friends
besides
study. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why this happens, it is
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to enter Japanese colleges
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to graduate, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
difficult. For that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students tend to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
have enjoyment, like having parties, going out, going travel.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
college costs
The phrase 'a huge of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a huge of
money, The fee of it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
of course
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is a waste of money to go to college.

Next
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you why getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for you. The most valuable point is experience. Not like college, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups. By talking with them, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge of life and it would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for you. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
experience from working. You could know how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to earn the money and
also
you can know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social systems
as well
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lastly
, I would like to suggest the types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that would be suitable for you. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at talking with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the reception of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, school or hotel would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a colleague
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the customers. If you would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
The usual preposition for "get a job" is "with" for an organization. Revise: "with the hotel".
in the hotel
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
your English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
as well
.

In conclusion
, You should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Good
luck to you.
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IELTS letter A letter received from friend who is asking for advice on getting a job or doing college

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
342 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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