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inviting for surprise party for your friend sad from homesick, reason for the party, date and time, what classmate could bring to the party

inviting for surprise party for your friend sad from homesick, reason for the party, date and time, what classmate could bring to the party e3nP7
Dear Allan, Hope all is well with you, I am just writing to let you know that we're throwing a surprise party for Sandy on her birthday next Sunday. As you know, Sandy looked for the last weeks depressed, and she always speaks about her parents and how much she missed them, she is suffering from homesickness, and with this party she may get along with us. The plan is as follows, Pamela is going to ask Sandy to eat dinner next Sunday at 8 PM, there we will be having everything set and ready, then after she enters the restaurant we show up with the cake and happy birthday song. Untill now, I've invited 4 people to the party and I got there acceptance, so, why don't you invite Steve and Sam for the party? they're going to enjoy it, they are also with Sandy in the study group. Let me know if you can make it. Warm wishes, Amr
Dear Allan,

Hope all is well with you, I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
writing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
you know that we're throwing a surprise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
for Sandy on her birthday
next
Sunday.

As you know, Sandy looked for the last weeks depressed, and she always speaks about her parents and how much she missed them, she is suffering from homesickness, and with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
she may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with us.

The plan is as follows, Pamela is going to ask Sandy to eat dinner
next
Sunday at 8 PM, there we will be having everything set and ready, then after she enters the restaurant we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up with the cake and happy birthday song.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Untill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, I've invited 4
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
there acceptance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, why don't you invite Steve and Sam for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
're going to enjoy it, they are
also
with Sandy in the study group.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me know if you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it.

Warm wishes,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Amr
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IELTS letter inviting for surprise party for your friend sad from homesick, reason for the party, date and time, what classmate could bring to the party

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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