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Invitation to attend the party for new students

Invitation to attend the party for new students O60Wy
Dear Mr. Luc, I would like to thank you for your invitation to attend the party for new students as well as for giving me an opportunity to sharing my experiences in study abroad on 19th August. Unfortunately, I am unable to attend the party. I believe that this is a great time to greeting you and newcomers, however, on that day, I have to join the essential interview which plays an important role in assessment my qualification for an ongoing internship. I have already asked my prospective company if it would be possible to take the examination on another date, but this is not permitted. In case the schedule of welcome new students is not decided yet, I am pleased to give the talk on next day. I am available on the 20th of August if this day is convenient for you, please let me know. I hope that your party is a great success and look forward to hearing from you, yours sincerely, Luc Nguyen
Dear Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Luc
, I would like to thank you for your invitation to attend the party for new students
as well
as for giving me an opportunity to sharing my experiences in study abroad on 19th August. Unfortunately, I am unable to attend the party.

I believe that this is a great time to greeting you and newcomers,
however
, on that day, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the essential interview which plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in assessment my qualification for an ongoing internship. I have already asked my prospective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
if it would be possible to take the examination on another date,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not permitted. In case the schedule of welcome new students is not decided
yet
, I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
to give the talk on
next
day. I am available on the 20th of August if this day is convenient for you,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me know. I hope that your party is a great success and look forward to hearing from you, yours
sincerely
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Luc
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Nguyen
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IELTS letter Invitation to attend the party for new students

Letter
  American English
2 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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