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A course is disigned to help improve my memory

A course is disigned to help improve my memory 862bx
Dear Sir or Madam, My name is Khanh Ngan, i am a student in grade 11th at Hung Vuong high school. Few days ago, i accidentally saw your advertisement about improving memory course on some of the websites that i accessed. A few months ago, i have trouble remembering and that is reason I am writing to you to inquire about improving memory course. When i was in middle school, i have had a pretty good memory and have memorised many things at once. But until entering high school, assignments is increasing. I am unable to concetrate or remember the present lessons in class because i always have to memorize other lessons. I hope to your memory improvement course can find ways to organize my mind for maximum productivity. First of all, I would like to know how I will be exposed to methods of memory improvement and if the methods are suitable for my age. Could you possibly send more information about methods in the course? Second, I am worried about the fees of the course, I don't know if a student can afford the fees of the course. I would be very grateful if you could tell me what the price is. If possible, could you please send me the dates so that I can invest my time wisely. I look forward to hearing from you without delay. Yours faithfully, Khanh Ngan
Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khanh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ngan
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am a student in grade 11th at Hung
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vuong
high school. Few days ago,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
accidentally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
your advertisement about improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
on
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
websites that
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
accessed. A few months ago,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have trouble remembering and
that is
reason I am writing to you to inquire about improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memory
course.

When
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
was in middle school,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have had a pretty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memory
and have
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorised' is British English.
memorised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things at once.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
until entering high school, assignments is increasing. I am unable to
Possible spelling mistake found.
concetrate
or remember the present lessons in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Do not mix variants of the same word ('memorize' and 'memorise') within a single text.
memorize
other lessons. I hope to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memory
improvement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
can find ways to organize my mind for maximum productivity.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I would like to know how I will
be exposed
to methods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
memory
improvement and if the methods are suitable for my age. Could you
possibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
more information about methods in the course?

Second, I
am worried
about the fees of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, I don't know if a student can afford the fees of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
. I would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
grateful if you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
me what the price is. If possible, could you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
me the dates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can invest my time
wisely
.

I look forward to hearing from you without delay.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Khanh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ngan
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IELTS letter A course is disigned to help improve my memory

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
233 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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