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inform you on the hindrances and other inadequate facility related issues that we are facing on a daily basis with respect to the Sports center's Changing rooms.

inform you on the hindrances and other inadequate facility related issues that we are facing on a daily basis with respect to the Sports center's Changing rooms. yLadM
Dear Sir/Madame, I am Ash Browne, writing this letter to inform you on the hindrances and other inadequate facility related issues that we are facing on a daily basis with respect to the Sports center's Changing rooms. First of All, feeling privileged to be one of the oldest member of this institution and that this Sports center being one of the first and finest buildings that had provided great amenities and thus provided a level-up for Sportsmanship in this town in olden times, However an Institution with such a great history, Its sad to hear the members bickering about the lack of changing rooms and inadequate facilities for storage of valuable things of the members. Lately, even i had faced similar issues with respect to changing rooms, where its being overcrowded and a queue of at least 20 members are in wait for their chance to get changed especially during weekends and season times, when there are crash courses arranged for children, And also it makes us conscious of the people waiting outside, To avoid further delay, We tend to hurriedly get changed resulting in loss of earrings and other tiny accessories. In addition to this, some rooms are not properly equipped with Hooks or hangers to hang our cloths or the worst case some rooms do not even have a proper latch or a bolt to keep the door shut, which makes the experience more uncomfortable. It would be great if the management is able to make the required changes to the facilities to provide additional room to the growing number of members and sports enthusiasts now, and that the number of the changing rooms are doubled and cleaned on regular basis. As a cost-cutting method i would suggest that the additional rooms could be opened up for the members as and when only required during peak hours to avoid over-crowding and provide tiny locker facility to keep only valuable things like Phones and jewels securely by the members, this would definitely build the trust among the members. Hoping that my suggestions are taken and that i would hear from you soon. Yours sincerely, Ash Browne
Dear Sir/Madame,

I am Ash Browne, writing this letter to inform you on the hindrances and other inadequate facility related issues that we are facing on a daily basis with respect to the Sports center's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Changing
rooms.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of All
, feeling privileged to be one of the oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
of this institution and that this Sports center being one of the
first
and finest buildings that had provided great amenities and
thus
provided a level-up for Sportsmanship in this town in olden times,
However
an Institution with such a great history,
Did you mean "It's" (="It is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Its
sad to hear the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
bickering about the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
and inadequate facilities for storage of valuable things of the members.

Lately, even
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
had faced similar issues with respect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
, where its
being overcrowded
and a queue of at least 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are in wait for their chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
especially
during weekends and season times, when there are crash courses arranged for children, And
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us conscious of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
waiting outside, To avoid
further
delay, We tend to
hurriedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
resulting in loss of earrings and other tiny accessories.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
are not
properly
equipped with Hooks or hangers to hang our cloths or the worst case
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
do not even have a proper latch or a bolt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the door shut, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the experience more uncomfortable.

It would be great if the management is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to the facilities to provide additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
to the growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and sports enthusiasts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, and that the number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
are doubled
and cleaned on regular basis. As a cost-cutting method
Did you mean "I"?
i
would suggest that the additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
could
be opened
up for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
as and when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
required during peak hours to avoid over-crowding and provide tiny locker facility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
valuable things like Phones and jewels
securely
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, this would definitely build the trust among the members.

Hoping that my suggestions
are taken
and that
Did you mean "I"?
i
would hear from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
sincerely
,

Ash Browne
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IELTS letter inform you on the hindrances and other inadequate facility related issues that we are facing on a daily basis with respect to the Sports center's Changing rooms.

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
356 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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