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friend has a travel company and would like to come and work with him explain about the company and accept/reject the offer.give reasons for your choice

friend has a travel company and would like to come and work with him explain about the company and accept/reject the offer. give reasons for your choice kbgl8
Hi Mark, Hope you are doing well. I am writing to you in regards to the recent Job offer to work in your travel company as an assistant manager. Your company is specialising in tourism which is mainly planning and coordinating the trips to different countries and there are different packages available for the customer to choose from. The trips packages and the destinations are designed in coordination with other tour operators in those countries. I politely have to decline this offer as I have read through the requirements for the job and I feel the job offer is more oriented towars the coordination of trips for the customers and laying out the plan and take care of the logistics as well. I want you know that I currently have no experience in tourism planning and organising a trip for a large number of Customer. Also, I would like to work in web applications which is more oriented to my skill set and my experience as well as my passion for learning and writing the code and designing the web application. I would look forward to work with you in the nextendeavour and in a position that best suits my skills and adds more value to your business. yours faithfully, Sivarajan
Hi Mark,

Hope you are doing well. I am writing to you
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
the recent Job offer to work in your travel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
as an assistant manager.

Your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialising' is British English.
specialising
in tourism which is
mainly
planning and coordinating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
packages available for the customer to choose from. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
packages and the destinations
are designed
in coordination with other tour operators in those countries.

I
politely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
decline this offer as I have read through the requirements for the job and I feel the job offer is more oriented
Possible spelling mistake found.
towars
the coordination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
for the customers and laying out the plan and take care of the logistics
as well
. I want you know that I
currently
have no experience in tourism planning and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
for
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
Customer.

Also
, I would like to work in web applications which is more oriented to my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set and my experience
as well
as my passion for learning and writing the code and designing the web application.

I would look forward to work with you in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
nextendeavour
and in a position that best suits my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
more value to your business.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Sivarajan
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IELTS letter friend has a travel company and would like to come and work with him explain about the company and accept/reject the offer. give reasons for your choice

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
210 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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