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Faulty device formal letter

Faulty device formal letter NMwed
Dear sir, I am Ghalib hashem, I am one of your customers since 2000, I am writing this letter to report faulty Sony system that I purchased last Thursday. On Thursday, December 24, I bought Sony sound system with serial number 1232323 from your store; downtown branch, I have selected this brand after being nominated by one of your store staff, and according him this is latest version and has excellent review worldwide, but after switching it on 2 speakers is not working. I try to contact customer service for two consecutive days unfortunately there was no response, and this is another important issue need to be fixed. Im asking your immediate intervention regarding booth issues, also I am requesting to be refunded as soon as possible because I am not interested any more with this faulty item. I am looking forward to hear your immediate response today. Your faithfully, Ghalib h. abudohela
Dear sir,

I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghalib
Possible spelling mistake found.
hashem
, I am one of your customers since 2000, I am writing this letter to report faulty Sony system that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
last Thursday.

On
Did you mean to refer to the current year? December 24, 2021 is not a Thursday, but a Friday.
Thursday, December 24
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
Sony sound system with serial number 1232323 from your store; downtown branch, I have selected this brand after
being nominated
by one of your store staff, and
It appears that a preposition is missing after 'according'.
according him
this is
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
version and has excellent review worldwide,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after switching it on 2 speakers is not working.

I try to contact customer service for two consecutive days unfortunately there was no response, and this is another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
.

Possible spelling mistake found
Im
asking your immediate intervention regarding booth issues,
also
I am requesting to
be refunded
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I am not interested
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
with this faulty item.

I am looking forward
In the grammatical structure 'look + forward + to + verb', the verb 'to' is used with the gerund: "to hearing".
to hear
your immediate response
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

Did you mean "Yours"? (complimentary close)
Your
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghalib
h.
Possible spelling mistake found.
abudohela

IELTS letter Faulty device formal letter

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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