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Error in newspaper article

Error in newspaper article d5ObK
Dear Sir I am reaching out to you to discuss an article published in your newspaper on 20th Feb, 2021, to be precise it is regarding the article titled, “Dr Anandi” and authored by “Veer das”. The article pays a tribute to the first female physician of India and first female of Indian origin to study in England. The article elaborated on her early life, child marriage, and motivation behind becoming a Doctor. The article also shed some light on the hardships that she had to go through to realize her dream and the unconditional support that she received from her husband. The article despite being written by a well known journalist fails to mirror the life of Dr. Anandi upon her arrival in India. The article erroneously mentions that she was a celebrate physician in India and managed to practice for five long years before her untimely death. The reason of the death is mentioned as a road accident. I would like to point out that the Dr. Anandi could not practice n India due to her deteriorating health. She had contracted a bacterial disease while in England and upon returning back she had a heart attack. The heart attack turned to be fatal and India lost a gem. I am also enclosing the source of the information for your review. All this data is from my personal collection as I am a direct descendant of Dr. Anandi. Hope you would help to keep alive the legacy of gracious and talented Dr. Anandi by publishing the facts in your next edition. Look forward to your response. Yours Faithfully
Dear Sir

I am reaching out to you to discuss an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
published in your newspaper on 20th Feb, 2021, to be precise it is regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
titled, “Dr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Anandi
” and authored by “Veer
Possible spelling mistake found.
das
”.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
pays a tribute to the
first
female physician of India and
first
female of Indian origin to study in England. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
elaborated on her early life, child marriage, and motivation behind becoming a Doctor.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
also
shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on the hardships that she had to go through to realize her dream and the unconditional support that she received from her husband.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
despite
being written
by a well known journalist fails to mirror the life of Dr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Anandi
upon her arrival in India.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
erroneously
mentions that she was
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'celebrate' is correct. If 'celebrate' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a celebrate
physician in India and managed to practice for five long years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
her
untimely
death.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
reason of the death
is mentioned
as a road accident. I would like to point out that the Dr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Anandi
could not practice n India due to her deteriorating health. She had contracted a bacterial disease while in England and upon
Consider using "returning".
returning back
she had a heart attack. The heart attack turned to be fatal and India lost a gem.

I am
also
enclosing the source of the information for your review. All this data is from my personal collection as I am a direct descendant of Dr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Anandi
.

Hope you would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
alive the legacy of gracious and talented Dr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Anandi
by publishing the facts in your
next
edition.

Look forward to your response.

Yours
Faithfully
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IELTS letter Error in newspaper article

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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