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Education is the key factor for the development of a country. To what extend do you agree to this

Education is the key factor for the development of a country. To what extend do you agree to this oxxMX
The world is racing forward with advancement in modern science and technology. Education is a key part of this development and also assists in the invention of new technological aspects. Some people believes that education is the most essential factor in the progression of a country. This statement has it's own merits and through this essay, I will discuss the possible reasons that support and oppose this view and the benefits they bring to our society. On one hand, having a good educational system will bring abundant possibilities for academicians. It will provide necessary theoretical as well as practical knowledge for a particular subject. A country will only advance if it constitutes young and innovative minds. For instance, India's former president, A. P. J Abdul Kalam sir was a visionary as well as a scientist. He has contributed towards the social, scientific and political fields of India and is considered as a legend. He achieved all these with a good foundation of knowledge and vision. Furthermore, he believed that India will only develop with a properly functioning system of schools, colleges and universities. In other words, education is an important factor which plays a determining role in the development of community both economically and scientifically. On the other hand, fields such as farming and business are also important for the advancement of a region. In India, farming is considered the backbone of the society. It constitutes more than fifty percentage of the gross economy. Moreover, a country with a good agricultural sector will be more healthy and prosperous. For example, in the outskirts of my town, there is 10 acre land in which people harvest crops and this supplies enough rice for large amount of people in the town. Most of the individuals working in this cultivation area is uneducated. To conclude, education can have many prospects and values. It offers enhancement and development for a country. However, farming occupations and other unskilled works also have to be encouraged and supported as it also improves a community in a certain manner.
The world is racing forward with advancement in modern science and technology.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is a key part of this development and
also
assists in the invention of new technological aspects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
believes
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the most essential factor in the progression of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This statement has
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits and through this essay, I will discuss the possible reasons that support and oppose this view and the benefits they bring to our society.

On one hand, having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
educational system will bring abundant possibilities for academicians. It will provide necessary theoretical
as well
as practical knowledge for a particular subject. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
advance if it constitutes young and innovative minds.
For instance
, India's former president, A. P. J Abdul
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalam
sir was a visionary
as well
as a scientist. He has contributed towards the social, scientific and political fields of India and
is considered
as a legend. He achieved all these with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
foundation of knowledge and vision.
Furthermore
, he believed that India will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
develop with a
properly
functioning system of schools, colleges and universities.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor which plays a determining role in the development of community both
economically
and
scientifically
.

On the other hand
, fields such as farming and business are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the advancement of a region. In India, farming
is considered
the backbone of the society. It constitutes more than fifty percentage of the gross economy.
Moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
agricultural sector will be more healthy and prosperous.
For example
, in the outskirts of my town, there is 10 acre land in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
harvest crops and this supplies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
rice for large amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the town. Most of the individuals working in this cultivation area
is uneducated
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prospects and values. It offers enhancement and development for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
However
, farming occupations and other unskilled works
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be encouraged
and supported as it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
a community in a certain manner.
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IELTS letter Education is the key factor for the development of a country. To what extend do you agree to this

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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