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asking for advice about whether to go to college or try to get a job

asking for advice about whether to go to college or try to get a job ljYXW
Dear Furkan, I have received your letter. I understand that you are lost in thoughts whether go to college or get a job. But nowadays trust me you don't want to go to college due to Covid-19 precautions students are not allowed to take lessons face to face. Even if you go, in these conditions productivity won't be enough to improve yourself, indeed you may consider other opportunities such as getting a job. As you know our economy in turkey is getting worst and if you have any chance to get a job it would be better for you and your family. Economically we all have to walk on eggshells besides you need to take responsibility from your parents though. And you have good experience in electronic maintenance you will get paid very well. Last week ı saw a job offer which was about electronic maintenance and it would be a very good starting point for you, and it doesn't have to be just related to electronic, according to your resume you are capable of doing something much better such as harness designing in big automotive companies and people who are working in there are well paid.
Dear
Furkan
, I have received your letter. I understand that you
are lost
in thoughts whether go to college or
get
a job.
But
nowadays trust me you don't want to go to college due to Covid-19 precautions students are not
allowed
to take lessons face to face. Even if you go, in these
conditions
productivity won't be
enough
to
improve
yourself,
indeed
you may consider other opportunities such as getting a job.

As you know our economy in
turkey
is getting worst and if you have any chance to
get
a job it would be better for you and your family.
Economically
we all
have to
walk on eggshells
besides
you need to take responsibility from your parents though. And you have
good
experience in electronic maintenance you will
get
paid
very
well.

Last week ı
saw
a job offer which was about electronic maintenance and it would be a
very
good
starting point for you, and it doesn't
have to
be
just
related to electronic, according to your resume you are capable of doing something much better such as harness designing in
big
automotive
companies
and
people
who are working in there are well paid.
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IELTS letter asking for advice about whether to go to college or try to get a job

Letter
  American English
3 paragraphs
197 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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