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Applying for Performance Monitor Specialist Position

Applying for Performance Monitor Specialist Position gADw1
Dear Sir, I recently learned of the Expert Performance Monitor position opening on Bamboo Capital Group through my college friend. I am writing this email to apply for the position. I have a deep passion for fields related to Renewable Energy. While in University, I would like to be exposed to a real working environment. And I did an internship for about 6 months when I was in year 2. Here, I have experience in designing and installing Rooftop Solar Panels. At University, I have been exposed to work-related subjects such as Scada, Calculation for rooftop solar, MicroGrid, . . . In addition, I am active and enthusiastic. About the English Certificate, because of the complicated translation situation, I can't register for the actual exam. But I took the test online organized by the English center, resulting in over 650 Toeic points in the last 2 tests. If I am accepted into the company, I will learn and do what takes to get a job done well even under pressure or on the far mission. My resume is attached. If I can provide you with any further information on my background, please let me know. I look forward to the opportunity to discuss my qualifications in more detail. Thank for your consideration. Sincerely, Phan Thanh Sieu.
Dear Sir,

I recently learned of the Expert Performance Monitor position opening on Bamboo Capital Group through my college friend. I am writing this email to apply for the position.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have a deep passion for fields related to Renewable Energy. While in University, I would like to
be exposed
to a real working environment. And I did an internship for about 6 months when I was in year 2. Here, I have experience in designing and installing Rooftop Solar Panels. At University, I have
been exposed
to work-related subjects such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Scada
, Calculation for rooftop solar, MicroGrid
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
In addition
, I am active and enthusiastic. About the English Certificate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the complicated translation situation, I can't register for the actual exam.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I took the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
online organized by the English center, resulting in over 650
Possible spelling mistake found.
Toeic
points in the last 2
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
. If I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
into the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, I will learn and do what takes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job done well even under pressure or on the far mission.

My resume
is attached
. If I can provide you with any
further
information on my background,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me know.

I look forward to the opportunity to discuss my qualifications in more detail. Thank for your consideration.

Sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Phan
Thanh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sieu
.
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IELTS letter Applying for Performance Monitor Specialist Position

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
216 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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