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answering to advertisement about improving memory

Dear sir or madamI saw your advertisement. I am 29 years old. I am master of degree in mechanical engineering. I have some problem to memorise fore example I always forget my family and friends birthday. i can remember month but not day. there is other problem with me. i usually forget what i saied in a conversation. a interested what method you will use in your course. is it useful for me o not? does it work for my rest of life or it is temporary. I work all days eek in morning what time is your course? regards
Dear sir or
Possible spelling mistake found.
madamI
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
your advertisement. I am 29 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. I am master of degree in mechanical engineering.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problem to
Possible spelling mistake. ‘memorise’ is British English.
memorise
fore example I always forget my family and friends birthday.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
i
can remember month
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not day.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
there
is other problem with me.
Is this the personal pronoun “I”? It is spelled uppercase.
i
usually
forget what i
Possible spelling mistake found.
saied
in a conversation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
a
interested what method you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in your course.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
is
it useful for me o not?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
does
it work for my rest of
Use a comma before ‘or’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life or
it is temporary. I work all
An apostrophe may be missing.
days
eek in morning what time is your course?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
regards

IELTS letter answering to advertisement about improving memory

Letter
  American English
1 paragraphs
99 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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