Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

advertisement in an australian magazine

advertisement in an australian magazine 0pOj1
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to you after I saw your advertisement in the magazine. I have interest in applying for the job that you publish. First, I want to apply for this job because I need extra credit for my trip to Australia. I do like kids so this job is suitable for my interest. Moreover, I have a sister who has a similar age as your kid. I have the experience to take care of her and help my mother do chores related to taking care of kids. Hence, I have the capability to take look after your kid. As I told you before, I apply for this job because I need extra credit for my trip to Australia. I will spend my time sightseeing around the city. I hope that you can give me the opportunity for this job. Yours faithfully, Satriyo
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you after I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
your advertisement in the magazine. I have interest in applying for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that you publish.

First
, I want to apply for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I need extra credit for my trip to Australia. I do like kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is suitable for my interest.

Moreover
, I have a sister who has a similar age as your kid. I have the experience to take care of her and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
my mother do chores related to taking care of kids.
Hence
, I have the capability to take look after your kid.

As I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, I apply for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I need extra credit for my trip to Australia. I will spend my time sightseeing around the city.

I hope that you can give me the opportunity for this job.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Satriyo

IELTS letter advertisement in an australian magazine

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • advertisement in an australian magazine