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write a letter to the organisers of the course

write a letter to the organisers of the course Yg03m
Dear Sir, I am Hazel and I write this letter to you because of advertisement about the Memory Course. In my opinion, this course will be accommodate with me. For the reason, recently some of my memory functions are impaired and I forget things rapidly. I cannot endure the bad memory anymore. So I would like to take this course. Before taking the therapist I would like to know more about the methods that you will use for me to make sure that it suits. Besides, this course is very crucial to me because in the next few week I will have a big project with a worldwide reputation company. Furthermore, please explain about the fees and dates as soon as possible. The fees slightly high is fine, too. I am gradually flush so I can splurge all those. Lastly, thank you for all your ultimate collaborate. Sincerely
Dear Sir,

I am Hazel and I write this letter to you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advertisement about the Memory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Course
. In my opinion, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
will be
Consider using the past participle "accommodated"?
accommodate
with me. For the reason, recently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my memory functions
are impaired
and I forget things
rapidly
. I cannot endure the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
memory anymore.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I would like to take this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
taking the therapist I would like to know more about the methods that you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that it suits.
Besides
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial to me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the
next
Possible agreement error. The noun week seems to be countable; consider using: "few weeks".
few week
I will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
project with a worldwide reputation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
about the fees and dates as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. The fees
slightly
high is fine, too. I am
gradually
flush
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I can splurge all those.
Lastly
, thank you for all your ultimate collaborate.

Sincerely

IELTS letter write a letter to the organisers of the course

Letter
  American English
3 paragraphs
147 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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