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A letter to your friend for collage or getting a job

A letter to your friend for collage or getting a job dopY2
Dear John How have you been? It’s a long time we didn’t seen each other. When I got your a letter actually I surprised. But I’m so excited because I be able to help you. Therefore please listen to me very carefully. As you know it the collages are accept the student for in certain term. And if you want to enroll to collage you must prepare your all files before deadline. That’s mean You will have collected documents before in this end of the month. But in my opinion you won’t be happy in collage. The collage its not suitable for you. You don’t like doing homework or passing time in library. The getting a job instead of the collage it’s perfect for you. You are willing person to helping people or creating some thing different from other person. Also you know your this side. Have you a dream about the what you want or what is make happy to you. Just think about that. And also you can save money when you are working. Actually I have one suggestion for you. When we are young you played guitar. So you should improves your this ability. Maybe you can find job in cafes or bars near to your house. I support you for this affair. Just try it. You deserve to be happy and if you need any help please contact to with me. Warm Wishes.
Dear John

How have you been? It’s a long time we didn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
each other.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
your a letter

actually I surprised.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I’m
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
excited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
Did you mean "am" or "will be"?
be
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you.
Therefore
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
please


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
listen
to me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
carefully
. As you know it the collages are
Consider using a past participle here: "accepted".
accept
the student for in certain term.

And if you want to enroll to collage you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
prepare your all files
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deadline. That’s
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
mean


You will have collected documents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the month.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my opinion you won’t be happy in collage. The collage its not suitable for you. You don’t like doing homework or passing time in library.

The getting a job
instead
of the collage it’s perfect for you. You are willing person to helping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or creating
Did you mean "something"?
some thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from other person.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
you know your this side. Have you a dream about the what you want or what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
happy to you.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about that. And
also
you can save money when you are working.

Actually I have one suggestion for you.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
we are young you played guitar.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
you should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "improve"
improves
your this ability. Maybe you can find job in
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
or bars near to your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. I support you for this affair.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
try it. You deserve to be happy and if you need any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
contact to with me.

Warm Wishes.

IELTS letter A letter to your friend for collage or getting a job

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
237 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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