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A letter to a manufacturer to ask them to arrange

A letter to a manufacturer to ask them to arrange 6x8qW
Dear Mr Smith I am writing to enquire about a new item which I ordered you last Sunday. It was the latest model of laptop Toshiba. You know I am occupied as a computer programmer and I should know all the recent programms which are used nowadays. But my own device doesn't do all requirements of new operations. So I extremely need the latest one for my work. As you know, I have bought a digital camera before from your department store and my little son is always taking loads of breathtaking photos of our family friends and relatives. The item works very well thats why I think it is the best way to keep a contract with you because I need a notebook immediately and it is also important to my children cause of their lessons. I guess, you understand me we all have to use it for our daily life. Please, could you tell me as soon as possible when it is ready. I look forward to recieving your reply. Kind regards Lucy Jonson
Dear Mr Smith I am writing to
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquire' is British English.
enquire
about a new item which I ordered you last Sunday. It was the latest model of laptop Toshiba. You know I
am occupied
as a computer programmer and I should know all the recent
Possible spelling mistake found.
programms
which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
device doesn't do all requirements of new operations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
extremely
need the latest one for my work. As you know, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a digital camera
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
from your department store and my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
son is always taking loads of breathtaking photos of our family friends and relatives. The item works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well
Possible spelling mistake found
thats
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a contract with you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I need a notebook immediately and it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to my children cause of their lessons. I guess, you understand me we all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for our daily life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
, could you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
me as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible when it is ready. I look forward to
Possible spelling mistake found.
recieving
your reply. Kind regards Lucy
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Jonson
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IELTS letter A letter to a manufacturer to ask them to arrange

Letter
  American English
1 paragraphs
175 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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