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a letter of information about the Tertiary Preparation

a letter of information about the Tertiary Preparation 26JmJ
Dear Sir/Madam, I would like a number of information about the Tertiary Preparation Certificate. If possible I would like to enroll in this course as a part-time student in 1992. I left school eight years ago after completing the 1ISC. Since then, I have worked as a sales assistant in both Grace Bros and David Jones. From the beginning of this year I have been in charge of the Children's Wear Department in Grace Bros, Lily field. However, in order to advance any further in my career into a managerial position, I will need to do some further study, such as a Marketing or Business Course. due to the fact I have not studied for numerous years, I believe that I should complete the TPC previously enrolling in a Business course. Could you please send me the information as in the near future as possible, and tell me the dates for enrolling in the Tertiary Preparation Certificate. Yours faithfully.
Dear Sir/Madam,

I would like
Possible agreement error. The noun information seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much information", "a good deal of information".
a number of information
about the Tertiary Preparation Certificate. If possible I would like to enroll in this course as a part-time student in 1992. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
school eight years ago after completing the 1ISC. Since then, I have worked as a sales assistant in both Grace Bros and David Jones. From the beginning of this year I have been in charge of the Children's Wear Department in Grace Bros, Lily field.
However
, in order to advance any
further
in my career into a managerial position, I will need to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
further
study, such as a Marketing or Business Course.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
due
to the fact I have not studied for numerous years, I believe that I should complete the TPC previously enrolling in a Business course. Could you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
me the information as in the near future as possible, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
me the dates for enrolling in the Tertiary Preparation Certificate. Yours
faithfully
.
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IELTS letter a letter of information about the Tertiary Preparation

Letter
  American English
2 paragraphs
159 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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