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2 weeks ago you bought a radio from a local branch of a well-known chain of shops. It did not work properly. The shop took it back and said they would repair it. You have waited a week and still it is not ready. v.1

2 weeks ago you bought a radio from a local branch of a well-known chain of shops. It did not work properly. The shop took it back and said they would repair it. You have waited a week and still it is not ready. v. 1
Dear sir or madam I writing to you to enquire about your decision of situation, was has happened with me half month ago. I bought device in the one of yours stores, however this radio did not work normally. It was returned to shop and i have promise about repair. But after a week device it not ready. I wish to now what has happened with radio, and why repair works still so long time until now. When I have buy some goods in your chain of shops, i wait for perfect service. I hope, this situations should be decided after my complaining, because i have real needing of this device on my job. I would inform you about your promises, and ask about possibility sooner repair works, whether receive another new radio. Since I have not receive answer from you before, probably you can send report very soon, as possible. Best wishes Jane
Dear sir or madam

Did you mean "I'm writing", "I am writing", or "I was writing"?
I writing
to you to
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquire' is British English.
enquire
about your decision of situation, was has happened
The verb 'happen' usually requires the preposition "to".
with
me half month ago. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
device in the one of yours stores,
however
this radio did not work
normally
. It
was returned
to shop and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have promise about repair.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
after a week device it not
Did you mean "readies"?
ready
.

I wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
what has happened with radio, and why repair works
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long time until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. When I have
Use past participle here: "bought".
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in your chain of shops,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
wait for perfect service. I hope,
Did you mean "these"?
this
situations should
be decided
after my complaining,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have real needing of this device on my job. I would inform you about your promises, and ask about possibility sooner repair works, whether receive another new radio.

Since I have not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "received".
receive
answer from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
probably
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
report
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
, as possible.

Best wishes

Jane
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS letter 2 weeks ago you bought a radio from a local branch of a well-known chain of shops. It did not work properly. The shop took it back and said they would repair it. You have waited a week and still it is not ready. v. 1

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
153 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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