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Zoos should be merely meant for entertainment or should there be some other purpose also? Discuss and give your opinion

Zoos should be merely meant for entertainment or should there be some other purpose also? Discuss and give your opinion kb0on
In this contemporary era, zoos play an immense role in the development of our country. However, many offspring visits wildlife parks for the education aim and even they enjoy for entertainment. In my perspective, zoos play a vital role in schooling, development, and for researchers. It To commence with, visiting wildlife parks have a plethora of benefits. The main intend will elaborate on children knowledge related to animals as to how they living in the zoos and even what protection they get from caretakers such as food, shelter, water, and many things. Moreover, visiting zoos they can learn the importance of animals, as the role of an ecosystem through which they develop the level of understanding towards creatures. As well as, in many zoological gardens they have great facilities from time to time checking their health through doctors, so they get better treatment. In addition, many people visiting wildlife parks on weekends with their children for entertainment purposes, because they want to explain to their offspring about zoos, so in the future they learn the importance of them. Furthermore, many scientists visiting zoological gardens for researching different sorts of animals breed, which leads to the development of our nation. To be more, animals get vaccines and medicines for the protection of their health. Therefore, zoos have the main purpose in our life. In conclusion, Zoos have great potential to transform their role from a place for entertainment, education, research, development and safe home for animals. So, i think the government has to improve more facilities for wildlife creatures for the development of nature.
In this contemporary era, zoos play an immense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of our country.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
offspring visits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
parks for the education aim and even they enjoy for entertainment. In my perspective, zoos play a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in schooling,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
, and for researchers. It

To commence with, visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
parks have a plethora of benefits. The main intend will elaborate on children knowledge related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as to how
Did you mean "they're living", "they are living", or "they were living"?
they living
in the zoos and even what protection they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from caretakers such as food, shelter, water, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things.
Moreover
, visiting zoos they can learn the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of an ecosystem through which they develop the level of understanding towards creatures.
As well
as, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
zoological gardens they have great facilities from time to time checking their health through doctors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better treatment.

In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
parks on weekends with their children for entertainment purposes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to their offspring about zoos,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in the future they learn the importance of them.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scientists visiting zoological gardens for researching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
breed, which leads to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of our nation. To be more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
vaccines and medicines for the protection of their health.
Therefore
, zoos have the main purpose in our life.

In conclusion
, Zoos have great potential to transform their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
from a place for entertainment, education, research,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and safe home for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
more facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
creatures for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of nature.
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IELTS essay Zoos should be merely meant for entertainment or should there be some other purpose also? Discuss and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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