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Your very first experience of love. It's something wonderful, amazing and new, but first is not synonymous with forever

Your very first experience of love. It's something wonderful, amazing and new, but first is not synonymous with forever aQAgX
I was just 16 years old when the first time I fell in love with a boy four or five years older than me. I had set my eyes on him the first time when he had come to the colony park and he was chatting with his friends. I found him so handsome, his curly, dark brown hair and large dark brown eyes! I was floored! Though now when I look back, I laugh it off as mere infatuation, but I don’t know why I felt an instant connection with him, when he looked into my eyes, my heart fluttered and I used to feel so nervous and excited at the same time. It was the most ecstatic feeling and I still cannot get over it, as they say when a woman falls in love, she can never fall in love again, although I was a teenager then, but I still have vivid memories of that boy and how I felt for him. This boy was very tall and fair and had the loveliest hair and a very smart moustache and whenever I looked at him I went weak in my knees. Next, I used to dream of him being near me and talking to me and after that, we spending time with each other, but I could never muster enough courage to ever stand in front of him and talk to him. I was too small and too naive to even think of it! Things went on in this way for a few months and nothing happened till one fine day when he smiled at me! Just imagine my prince charming smiled at me, eventually he took notice of me, and I must tell you, it was the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. Afterwards, I was coming back from school one evening and he was sitting on his bike and waiting for his friend. Then he saw me coming and when I passed him he did not do anything, but  when I went a little further and turned around as I heard some noise behind me and I looked at him, he smiled at me, I was too shocked to respond in any way. A little while later, I turned around and went to my home. I did not know what to do, but I was mesmerised by his first smile. It was so sudden that I was at a loss of words as to what should my next step be, but fate had other plans for me. Just imagine my bad luck, that when I could think of having a relationship with him, as he had finally acknowledged my presence and smiled at me. Unfortunately I had to go, I had to leave the city for good! I don’t know till  now whether it was love at first sight with him or was it infatuation, but one thing I must say and that is, that I will never forget him ever and all that I felt for him. There's a first time for everything. You might feel that I am crazy as I am calling my first crush to be my first love. But it's called first love, because it's also the first time you'll feel what happens when it's over. It's the first time you'll feel like someone is ripping through your chest and griping your heart, pulling it out and tearing it apart. It's the first time you'll cry so hard for another person to the point where you can't breathe. It's the first time you'll feel completely helpless, like a kitten that hasn't quite learned how to walk on its own. It's the first time you'll feel like you're grabbing onto something only to realize it's all smoke disappearing between your fingers. It's the first time you'll blame yourself for something that perhaps wasn't your fault, or maybe it was, but you'll never know for sure, and it's also the first time you'll be entirely responsible for the way you feel inside. When first love ends, you'll be left feeling lost and alone, sad and confused, and absolutely hopeless. First love is not your only love. It's not necessarily your best love, or your last love.  First love is first.  Your very first experience of love.  It's something wonderful, amazing and new, but first is not synonymous with forever.  And first is definitely not connected whatever to final.  It's called your 'first love' simply because it's just that - your first. Not your last.
I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
16 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
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time
I fell in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
with a boy four or five years older than me. I had set my eyes on him the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when he had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the colony
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
park and
he was chatting with his friends.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
found him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
handsome, his curly, dark brown hair and large dark brown eyes!
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
was floored
! Though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
when I look back, I laugh it off as mere infatuation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
why I felt an instant connection with him, when he looked into my eyes, my heart fluttered and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
nervous and excited at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It was the most ecstatic feeling and I
still
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
over it, as they say when a woman falls in
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love
, she can never fall in
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love
again, although I was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
then,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
still
have vivid memories of that boy and how I felt for him.

This boy was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tall and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
and had the loveliest hair and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
smart 
Possible spelling mistake. 'moustache' is British English.
moustache
and whenever I looked at him I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
went
weak in my knees.
Next
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to dream of him being near me and talking to me and after that,
Did you mean "we're spending", "we are spending", or "we were spending"?
we spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with each other,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I could never muster
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
courage to ever stand in front of him and talk to him. I was too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and too naive to even
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think
of it! Things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
went
on in this way for a few months and nothing happened till one fine day when he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smiled
at me!
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
imagine my prince charming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smiled
at me,
eventually
he took notice of me, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you, it was the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
smile I had ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
. Afterwards, I was coming back from school one
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
evening and
he was sitting on his bike and waiting for his friend. Then he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
me coming and when I passed him he did not do anything,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
when I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
went
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
further
and turned around as I heard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
noise behind me and I looked at him, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smiled
at me, I was too shocked to respond in any way. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
while later, I turned around and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
went
to my home. I did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
what to do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I was
Possible spelling mistake. 'mesmerised' is British English.
mesmerised
by his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
smile. It was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
sudden that I was at a loss of words as to what should my
next
step be,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fate had other plans for me.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
imagine my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
luck, that when I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of having a relationship with him, as he had
finally
acknowledged my presence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smiled
at me. Unfortunately I had to go, I had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the city for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
! I don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
till
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
whether it was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
sight with him or was it infatuation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one thing I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say and
that is
, that I will never forget him ever and all that I felt for him. There's a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for everything. You might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that I am crazy as I am calling my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
crush to be my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
you'll
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
what happens when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
over.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
you'll
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
like someone is ripping through your chest and griping your heart, pulling it out and tearing it apart.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
you'll
cry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for another person to the point where you can't breathe.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
It
's the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
you'll
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
completely helpless, like a kitten that hasn't quite learned how to walk on its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
It
's the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
you'll
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
like you're grabbing onto something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to realize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
all smoke disappearing between your fingers.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
It
's the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
you'll
blame yourself for something that perhaps wasn't your fault, or maybe it was,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
you'll
never
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
for sure, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
you'll
be
entirely
responsible for the way you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
inside.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
ends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
you'll
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
feeling lost and alone, sad and confused, and
absolutely
hopeless.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
First
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
is not your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
not
necessarily
your best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
, or your last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
.  
First
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
 is 
first
.  Your
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
 
first
experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
 It's
something wonderful, amazing and new,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
 
first
 is not synonymous with forever.  And 
first
 is definitely not connected whatever to final.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
 It's
called your '
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
' 
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
that
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
. Not your last.
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IELTS essay Your very first experience of love. It's something wonderful, amazing and new, but first is not synonymous with forever

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
739 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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