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Family expenditure about my family

Family expenditure about my family KVGA6
I'm talking about my family expenditure. Firstly i could say that every year 2000 dollar spending just for school or college transport. Though it is huge amount but my family easily manage these. My father is the only person who are managing expenses for our family. Actually, every father manages these but my father never tried to rest on about this because he knows well how to control a family that in my family any other persons have no idea about this.
I'm talking about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
expenditure.
Firstly
Did you mean "I"?
i
could say that every year 2000 dollar spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for school or college transport. Though it is huge amount
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
easily
manage these. My father is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
person who are managing expenses for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Actually, every father manages these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my father never tried to rest on about this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he knows well how to control a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
that in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
any other persons have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about this.

IELTS essay Family expenditure about my family

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
82 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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